Consequences of War
by sleipnirfenris
Summary: Full Summary inside. Post TLOTL. Jack's back but the team aren't happy. He abandoned them and acts like nothing's happened. He struggles to cope as the team rebells. CHAPTER TWO EDITED ABANDONED. REPLACEMENT FIC MALESTROM COMING SOON
1. Chapter 1

_**The Consequences of War**_

_**Chapter 1 - Jack's Back**_

**Disclaimer, I don't own any of the characters, or the TV shows, they belong to Russell. T Davis, the BBC etc. I do not make money from this, only it's entertainment value is of concern to me.**

**Genre - angst/hurt/comfort**

**Spoilers - all of Torchwood and all of Doctor who**

**Pairings - Jack/Ianto and Gwen/Owen of course :P**

**Set - right after The Last of The Time Lords**

**Post TLOTL. Jack's back but Ianto is cold and distant. Owen makes comments and remarks every chance he gets and Gwen no longer wants to know. Tosh just keeps away from him altogether. They don't see the pain and the torment. As Jack struggles to cope with what happened to him during the Year that Never Was, the team rebell in revenge for him leaving abruptly. Slowly Jack breaks, but when Cardiff (and perhaps the world, haven't decided) is in danger and Lucy Saxon appears, will he be able to hold it together?**

It was an unusually bright day in Cardiff. Most of the world were indoors watching their television sets in confusion and fear, hoping that the President of America hadn't just been killed and that their own Prime Minister had not been involved. But seven people knew otherwise. They knew how true it all was. They had all suffered personally at the hand of the Master, A.K.A Harold Saxon. If the year that never was had taught him one thing, it was that he loved his team, they needed him and he couldn't just abandon them. Like it or not, he had grown attached to the three 21st century humans and their funny little ways. As he walked towards the hub he replayed his last conversation with the one alien - heck the one being - he trusted more than life itself.

_The Doctor, Martha and Jack all stood against the railing contemplating what had just happened. In that year Jack realised Torchwood had changed him a little, so he had to change it a little more too. To the way the Doctor wanted it to be. It wasn't quite there yet but it was better than nothing. For a minute or two they stood in amicable silence._

"_For a minute that whole world knew your name. Now they've all forgotten." said Martha wistfully._

"_Good." replied the Doctor._

"_Anyway, time to go." said Jack ducking under the railing and heading off. Then the Doctor said the one thing that he needed to hear. It told him he was forgiven in not to many words. It also told him they may meet again._

"_Look, come with me. I honestly don't mind." stated the Doctor looking hopeful. As much fun as it was he knew he couldn't stay. He had a responsibility and knew the Doctor would understand. "Of course, defending Earth. Can't argue with that," but he couldn't help but look a little disappointed._

_**It was then that I remembered how lonely he was. But I couldn't leave my team in the lurch; after all, I had just left for a year, whether they remembered it or not.**_

_Captain Jack Harkness saluted the Doctor and Martha before turning away._

"_But what about my face. I mean stray grey hairs and all because I keep getting older but not being able to die." he said, hoping for an answer._

_Chuckling the Doctor replied. "Sorry I really don't know. You're an impossible thing Jack,"_

_Jack smiled. "Been called that before. I will see you again right?"_

_The Doctor looked straight at Jack; honest and true. They both knew what he was going to say next. "I honestly can't tell you that. If I ever do, you'll know it's because something very bad has happened and I can't do it by myself."_

_Jack looked pleadingly at the Doctor. "We'll see. Might drop by for a cup of tea," he compromised. Jack grinned and jumped away._

"_See you in hell!" he cried as he left._

Captain Jack turned around just in time to see the Doctor and Martha walk away and disappear into the TARDIS. "I better see you again," he muttered to himself. Surprising himself he walked in through the front door designed to look like a tourist information centre. Looking around he decided the place had a feeling of being far too quiet. "Ianto?" he called peering in the back. Shrugging his shoulders he pressed the button under the desk and headed down into the hub.

The underground Torchwood facility lacked the usual humming of computers; signalling that they were in fact off. Frowning he wandered around glancing in the different sections, his worry growing with every empty room. When he got to his office he slapped himself on the forehead.

"The Himalayas," he groaned. He slumped down in his chair twirling in it for the lack of something better to do. For several minutes he stared at his fingers. Absentmindedly he started to tap a familiar rhythm on his desk.

_Tap tap tap tap…tap tap tap tap… tap tap tap tap…_

He shook his head disgustedly and whipped his hand away from desk. _When Tosh gets back, _he thought, _I must see if she can stop that signal, or at least check that the Doc hasn't forgotten. I doubt it but you never know. I'd cope better if they were here._

Since no one was in the hub and with a very minimal chance of being interrupted Jack located a small wooden box with a rose carved into the lid. He chuckled. The rose was carved into rosewood given to him by Rose. He ran his fingers over the smooth surface, smiling at the happy memories, the adrenaline rushes and the pure fear. "I remember when we thought we'd lost you. Now I know we have." He told the box. His bottom lip quivered as he breathed out.

"_When he gets stressed he likes to insult other species,"_

"You went and died on me too Doc. Not that I mind. You're much easier to hold a conversation with." Whispered Jack. "Cuter too," he added. Turning serious he opened the box that was hiding memories of a happier, freer Jack with laughing Rose and serious Doctor Who. He shuffled through the pictures of Rose chasing him around the TARDIS Consol Room after saying something particularly cheeky. He smiled staring at the picture Rose must have secretly taken of him and the Doctor dancing, having finally convinced him he'd behave. Needless to say it only fuelled his mischievousness.

"_Come on Doc, it's not gonna kill you!"_

_The Doctor snorted. "It might," giving Jack a pointed look with a twinkle in his eyes. Jack crossed his arms huffily before smiling coyly at him._

"_I'll tell Rose."_

"_Tell Rose what?"_

_Jack stalled looking a little lost as if attempting to come up with a viable answer. _I knew you'll see right through it, _he thought_._ "I don't know but I will!" he exclaimed. The Doctor sighed and walked over to Jack._

"_I told you buy me a drink first."_

"_Come on it's not like I'm going to kiss you, but it is very tempting," he said smiling and biting his lower lip with his teeth. He looked up at him with brown puppy eyes. Sighing the Doctor walked up to him and held out his hands. Grinning from ear to ear Jack put on the music and Doctor rolled his eyes._

"_You love this song don't you?"_

_**I had just smiled. I knew you never minded much but you always liked to keep us at a distance. Except Rose. Somehow Rose meant more to you than usual.**_

_**I think she saved your life.**_

_The Doctor and Jack had danced around the consol room dodging the seats around the side and the controls in the centre. The Doctor had grinned from ear to ear the entire time._

You seemed happier then, though you hardly smiled. Now it just seems to be a front. You're act is good, Doc, but it's your eyes that let you down. You can't mask the pain in your eyes all too well."

Tears leaked from Jack's eyes, rolling slowly down his cheeks. Gently rocking, he stared at the picture of the bright, bubbly, smiling blonde. "Goodbye Rose Tyler," he whispered. "You were worth fighting for."


	2. Where were you Jack?

****

Dislcaimer: I do not own Torchwood nor do I want to. I do not own the lyrics below. They are by Linkin Park, What I've Done on their Mintues to Midnight album. Enjoy!

__

Chapter Two - Where were you Jack?

In this farewell

There's no blood

There's no alibi

Because I've drawn regret

From the truth

of a thousand lies

A/N Mindy pointed something out which I didn't notice before. Thank you for pointing this out despite the fact you were brash and rude. The whole point is that he just ABANDONED them, he had just died, said he cared but then dumped them when something better came along. And in fact, I'm pretty sure in the actual time line he was gone five days at least. If you don't like the story don't read it because you failed to point out anything you liked.

Tears stained Jack's cheeks. He lay on his bed in the hub waiting for sleep. The gentle humming lulled him into sweet dreams.

The sun shone above Cardiff, which was unusual because it had been grey and cloudy all week. A man jingled the keys in front of the tourist information centre. He shivered. He hoped never to see the mountains again, or feel a cold as intense as that. He turned the key but it stopped. Frowning he opened the door, wondering exactly why it wasn't locked. He was pretty sure he had locked it before they left.

More than sure.

Cautiously he entered the room pulling out the gun he didn't usually have. Life at this Torchwood was a little more dangerous than last. You could never be too careful. Jack taught him that…

Jack.

__

I wonder where he went. He just disappeared.

He thought.

_ Then we got that weird assignment by the Prime Minister who told us that there was no reason to worry for Jack and that just made me worry more. Jack wouldn't leave us without telling anyone or at least writing a note! I didn't buy that tale for a second._

Turning the corner into the dark room he fumbled for the light. Stumbling, he cried out almost pulling the trigger. Spinning around on the floor he saw his foot was entangled in an umbrella. Shoulders sagging, he sighed. Rubbing his eyes he got up. Switching on the light he revealed…nothing. Just a cupboard filled with shelves and books and folders. Shaking his head he turned around and left. Pressing the button under the desk he proceeded to enter the Hub.

Walking down the quite corridor he came to the entrance. The giant door slid backwards, the mechanics whirring. Looking about he gathered that nothing was out of the ordinary. He was about to put the gun away when he heard a noise come from the Captain's office. Breathing deeply he stood for a moment praying to God that it was just something falling because he really wasn't good at this.

Shooting up to a sitting position Jack's whole body heaved. His lungs pulled in as much air as they possibly could as if he had a lack of air. Wiping his eyes impulsively he stopped sharply. Rubbing his fingers together he noticed the tears from the night before. "Well that's the last time I mourn Rose Tyler," he said to himself.

Standing up he immediately stumbled and grabbed hold of the wall. White spots danced before his eyes as his vision blurred. Breathing slowly his eyes fluttered. After gaining control he sighed. Turning he grabbed a fresh pair of clothes and headed up to the office.

They should be in today.

The young welsh male cautiously approached the office. Wincing at the clang his shoes made against the metal he froze. The shuffling from above had stopped and he heard footsteps. Moving more slowly and carefully he continued to the office. Taking a steady stance he went to the threshold of the open door.

The young male dropped his gun.

The other looked up from where he was crouched in front the desk, the remnants of a mug before him.

"Ianto!"

Standing up he blinked in shock as Ianto whacked Jack across the face. Pouting slightly he rubbed his cheek. "If you wanted it rough you could have just said!" he said with a grin.

Ianto was mad. He had just left! Not a word. Not even to him. Wasn't he important enough? Ianto had thougth he was but... not now. Resentment filled his eyes, not caring if Jack noticed. He made to punch him again when he noticed Jack's smile. It was a true smile - one that he'd never seen from his boss before. He widened his eyes in curiosity noticing a light that Jack now seemed to shine smothering the shrouding dark. Ianto found himself engulfed in a gigantic hug. Comforted by his embrace Jack smiled to himself and sighed. _oh how I missed you so much,_ he thought to himself. Ianto looked at Jack in enquiringly. Still Jack did not answer but pulled him into a gentle kiss. Being soft and gentle Jack caressed the side of Ianto's face. Ianto frowned. He was not going to be sucked into this. Not again. Not yet anyway. Pulling himself away from Jack he looked to the floor missing the hurt expression and the tear rolling down his cheek. Jack's hands were once again at the sides of Ianto's face like he couldn't quite believe he was there. Leaning his forehead against Ianto's he allowed another tear to slip.

"Where…" said Ianto.

"Later," he replied.

Ianto gripped his wrists and pulled back. Tilting his head to the side he spoke. "You can't expect me to accept that when you just disappeared and we get shipped off the bloody Himalayas by the Prime Minister and then you appear on telly as a Terror Suspect with the Doctor! Don't you understand what you put me though? What you put us _all_ through? No word Jack! You didn't say anything you just up and left! Are we that insignificant and disposable? You just filling time with us Jack?" his questioned him eyes blazing. He watched Jack close his eyes wondering what he had to tell him. "Were you going to tell us how long you planned on being gone for leaving us to struggle with a member down? It's tight enough as it is!"

Jack knew his time was up. He had to tell them _something_ even if it wasn't he whole truth. Perhaps just what they saw and that the Prime Minister should never have been. There was no getting out of this one.

He might leave out the part about the Toclafane being human. That was too much to bare.

Ianto continued to glare at the male piercing his closed eyes. "I was only gone five days,"

"Five days? Are you kidding me? FIVE DAYS? Jack it's been three months!"

What? Three months? Oh he should have known. Of course the Doctor wouldn't have gotten the calculations right! He had insisted that they stay awhile and with the Doctor grieving...he may be angry at him but the alien still needed someone to steady him otherwise he'd jump off the deep end. He couldn't have been in the TARDIS for three months could he?

"I came back," Jack stated. "And I'll tell you all later," He said in a final tone.

"Yeah, you did," Ianto replied angrily implying that it meant very little. "Will you tell _me_?" emphasised Ianto glaring at him.

Jack sighed looking down. Shaking his head he refused to look at the welshman. "I can't. You don't want to know,"

"Yes I do! That's why I'm asking! You never tell me anything about your life! How can you expect me to trust you if you won't even tell me where you went _to me_ not the entire team!" exclaimed Ianto storming out the office. Jack stared after him not knowing what to do. If he told him would he believe him? Would he care? He just couldn't talk about it. He hadn't even said anything to the Doctor.

How do you tell someone that cares for you, you were being tortured for a year by the Prime Minister, who's an alien by the way?

While they waited for the rest of the team to come into work Jack spent all his time in his office. He tapped his fingers at a random rhythm on his desk. what was he going to do? His insides constricted. He missed the familiar hum of the Tardis, its wrapping warmth, the conformting wave it washed over them. Releasing a shaky breath he tried to stay away from the memories. He tried desperately not to think. Not to feel. It just hurt too damn much.

Ianto stormed around the hub, clearing things up as he went. Even though it had only been a day he had been greatly worried. After all he had advertised as a criminal on the television after the Prime Minister sent them on a wild goose chase. The infuriating thing was Jack spent all of his time wrapped up in his thoughts refusing to tell him anything. _Probably trying to come up with some elaborate story and was so not the truth _thought Ianto as he stared at his feet. Occasionally he would glance at his boss who had his elbows on the table and his hands to his mouth. Sadness and joy flickered in his eyes. Ianto just couldn't get his head around it.

Is it possible for someone to be so much happier yet so much darker at the same time?

The darkness never seemed to leave. It seemed it was destined to follow him everything just like trouble and death for the Doctor.

Jack's eyes flicked to Ianto as he moved around the secret underground base. He knew how he would feel. Lost, alone, abandoned, betrayed. No matter what he told himself he couldn't shake the guilt. It wrapped around his gut in an ever tightening coil. He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind.

Suddenly the Hub filled with the sarcastic comments from Owen and the optimistic points from Gwen. Most of them seemed to be about him. Tosh silent as ever sat straight down at her desk. Without much thought she logged on and turned her head for Ianto. She blinked in surprise at the fury upon his face. Thinking twice she decided it perhaps might be better not to say anything.

"Honestly Owen no wonder people always think of you in anger if you always act like this,"

"What does that mean Gwen Cooper. I happen to remember a time when you thought I was sexy,"

"Pfffft." Gwen sat down at her station and leant her head against the desk. Meanwhile Owen unceremoniously dropped his bag and immediately started complaining.

"Where is he anyway? Doesn't he always have coffee ready the second we get in? How does he do that anyway?"

"Sees us on the CCTV." stated Tosh absentmindedly. She was too busy wondering why Ianto had that weird look on his face. Not to mention the fact he was standing in Jack's office.

"They're all here sir," he said.

Tosh's eyes popped from her head as she shot up from her seat. Jack stumbled back as her frame launched against his. Surprisingly the air was crushed from his body by the force.

"Whoa Tosh! I take it you missed me then?" he asked giving her a cheeky smile. Tosh coughed and regained her composure. It wasn't long before he got the same treatment from Gwen who spouted all sorts of welcome backs. Jack grinning from ear to ear just stood and watched them chatter amongst themselves. He shook Owen's hand who was hovering in the back clearly not wanting to hug him as well.

"Where the hell were you?" asked Owen causing Jack to immediately sober up. His smile dropped from his face as the others looked at him expectantly. "We saw on the T.V so don't think your going to get out of telling us this time."

Still Jack refused to say anything. Gathering his thoughts he opened his mouth to speak but was cut off.

"You were with the Doctor. _The Doctor!_ have you forgotten that his Institute was set up against the Doctor, to protect this planet against him and for the sole purpose of his capture and study? He's the enemy Jack!" ranted Owen.

"Did he abduct you?" asked Gwen quickly before anyone could say anything. Captain Jack Harkness ushered them to the conference room and sat them down. At the head of the table he stood, just looking at them all. When anyone tried to speak he would raise his hand. Finally he spoke.

"Queen Victoria was wrong." he paused not noticing their astounded faces. "The Doctor is not the enemy and you would know this if you met him."

"What about Torcwhood one?! 400 people died that day Jack!" fired Ianto still hurt over the death of Lisa.

Jack looked at him slightly angry for Rose had died that day and shook his head. "You think he caused that? Yvonne Hartman caused that! She's the one that opened the breach up over and over again after the sphere came through. She allowed the Cybermen entry. I told her not to do it! All the Doctor did was clean up the mess."

"That doesn't mean he's not dangerous," butted in Owen.

"He's saved this planet thousands of times. The Racnoss, the Sycorax, Downing Street, not long ago from the Mayor of Cardiff…"

Owen scoffed rapping his knuckles on the table. Jack turned to him and waited. "The Mayor?" he asked disbelievingly. "What does she have to do with anything?"

"Use your imagination Owen. That earthquake a few years back wasn't an earthquake. I'm pretty sure you guessed that," Jack retaliated shocking them.

Stunned silence washed over the room. Even the pterodactyl didn't whoosh over head of make a sound. "Yeah, I got that Jack," said Ianto snappily. "And I really don't care what happened then. I want to know what happened this time,"

Jack ignored the demand. "Okay here's how it goes guys. I am friends with the Doctor I met him a while back. Travelled together with him for a while and one of his Companions and we ran into some trouble. Somehow I end up working for Torchwood. Didn't you notice this place was different than the other branch Ianto?"

The young male nods. He had often thought it was more hospitable than it's hostile sister branch. Perhaps it deserved what it got.

"I changed it for the Doctor, _because_ of the Doctor. Not every alien we meet is a threat and they should NOT be tortured for not being human. Anyway, to answer your question Gwen, no the Doctor did not kidnap me, it's not something he'd do. That'd be on the list of evil things and the doctor is far from evil."

"Sounds like you love him," injected Gwen, damn the consequences on his and Ianto's relationship.

"I do," Jack replied without hesitation. He refused to look at Ianto. He feared he would break down if he did. He could only imagine the hurt and betrayal he was feeling. That was until he remembered it himself. The Doctor, Rose, the year 200100... "But I love you guys more," he looked at Ianto hoping he would get the message. The pain in the welshman's eyes stabbed at his heart. Closing his eyes he breathed deeply. The Master would not win this.

"Hang on. Doesn't this mean he's a danger and threat to us?" injected Owen.

Jack glared at him and leaned forward. Speaking softly and rather scarily he said "Only if you bother him first. You bother him, he'll bother back. You bother the human race or one of his companions he'll definitely bother back." he said before straitening up.

Owen attempted to ignore the shivers going down his spine.

"He deals with threats towards the human race. But I will not lie that he was annoyed with us due the Sycorax two years ago."

"They were trying to invade,"

"Thanks Owen I got that. But not when we killed them. They were retreating." stated Jack.

Ianto sat forwards clearly wanting to say something. Jack nodded at him. "But that was Torchwood One."

"Doesn't matter. All the branches were the same to him, besides he didn't know I was running this one."

"But that doesn't explain why you were on telly," said Gwen clearly confused.

Jack took a deep breath. "I ran into the Doctor and he needed a bit of help so I offered. But the Prime Minister isn't exactly on good terms with him and did everything he could to try and stop him."

"You ran into him? You left," said accused Ianto.

"Can't you see that Harold Saxon is right?" asked Owen frustrated absentmindedly tapping his leg.

Jack looked at him sharply noticing the all too familiar rhythm the doctor was tapping on his leg. Snapping he whacked him none to gently over the head. "OW! What was that bloody for?"

"To get you to stop tapping!"

"What tapping?" Owen asked confused. He looked to the girls who both shrugged and turned back to Jack. Only Ianto seemed to have noticed what Jack was talking about.

"You were tapping Owen,"

Owen growled causing Gwen to jump and back away from him. Stuffing his hands in his pockets so not to annoy their Captain anymore he glared at everyone. "Trust you to side with him," he muttered earning a glare from the Welshman.

"I'm not," said Ianto glaring at Jack.

Jack crossed his arms and waited for them to stop bickering. Owen looked at Ianto in shock. He was so sure that the little tea-boy would be jumping at the chance to defend his captain. Looks like he was wrong.

"You didn't answer the question. What happened?" he demanded.

"It doesn't matter," Jack shook his head warding off the offending images. The Master's face reeled into view swamping his vision. It was all he could see. The malevolent laugh rang in his ears as the high pitched noise pierced the air. Jack's body felt like it was on fire.

"So you're not going to tell us?" demanded a furious Ianto.

Jack gripped the edge of the table tightly. Swallowing he looked into Ianto with emotionless eyes. "No,"


	3. The cold shoulder

_**The Consequences of War**_

_**DISCLAIMER - Torchwood is owned by Russel.T. Davis. And so is Doctor Who as this may cross ever so slightly.**_

_Chapter 3 because I love you guys!! Thanks for the review jescape and anyone else that was either not signed in or a member._

_Jescape I do see where you are coming from and I realise that Rose is not dead. I meant it in the way that Jack was realising and coming to terms with the fact she had survived but he would never see her again. In this respect she may as well be._

_The team are annoyed because he just left without a word when seconds before he was in the Hub. Remember they knew nothing about him and he had just died twice in a very short space of time. They want answers!!! but also I do this because I'm working from spoilers - so excited i get to say this - that Gareth shared XDXDXD SQUEEEEEEEE_

_Oh and I like long reviews. It shows you have something to say._

_And is hyper ventillating because a fic that took a month to write is now gone. And all the stories i have written are now non existant. Due to this I appologise to readers of Hunting Revenge as this will not be updated as soon as I had hoped. Luckily however i was working in this at the time and so it has not been lost._

_I hate techonology._

_**lyrics it's just the price I pay**_

_**Destiny is calling me**_

_**Open up your eager eyes**_

The coffee mug smashed when it collided with the wall. He sighed. He was only going to have to clean that up now. Though it did make him feel better. _ If he so much as looked at Captain Jack Bloody Harkness! If he thinks he can just waltz back here and everything can be the same he's got another thing coming! _He roughly grabbed the broom and thumped over to the broken shards. Sweeping it up he failed to notice a dark skinned female survey him from the door. He chucked the broken mug into the bin with force, earning raised eyebrows form her. It was only when he turned around that he noticed she was there.

"Hello," he said surly. He hoped she would just leave.

"Hi," she replied pleasantly. Tentively she stepped towards the counter. Smiling she continued. "I am a little lost. It's my first time in Cardiff you see and I was wondering if you would help me?"

He sighed. "Sure. Where are you going?"

"I'm Martha," she said offering her hand.

"Ianto," she replied noticing she started a little. He watched her shake her head and smile to herself.

"I'm a medical student. I'm meant to be at Cardiff Hospital by now but I've gotten a little lost. Albion Hospital thought it'd be fun for us to see how other hospitals were ran for a couple of days," she gushed.

"Did you pick here?"

"No. Family's been through a lot lately. I wanted to stay and make sure they were OK but I can't really argue with where they put me," she explained looking a little awkward.

Ianto nodded in sympathy. This wasn't exactly his first choice either. Torchwood One was a lot more glamorous than this, if not a little pretentious. At least his skills were appreciated there. Ianto wandered over the the display and picked out a map. Laying it out on the desk he stood beside her and pointed out exactly where she was and where she wanted to be.

"There you go Miss," he said turning to go behind the desk again.

"Do I have to pay for this?"

"No," he said trying to smile warmly. It turned into a half cringe that looked awkward at best.

"I'm sure things will brighten up soon," she added slipping out the door. Ianto shook his head and turned to the monitor.

JACK:You're angry.

IANTO:You think?

JACK:I'm not sorry that I went.

IANTO:Then we have nothing to talk about.

IANTO has left the conversation.

JACK:I'm sorry I left.

Jack sighed. This is was going to very difficult. Running a hand through his hair he watched the others from where he sat. Gwen and Owen were already arguing, Tosh staring intently at the monitor, burning holes in it. Her fingers stabbed down upon the keys. He didn't have time for this right now. He couldn't deal with this._ Just stop! Please!_ He begged. But their sniping comments whizzed back and forth. It was a slow day. Nothing to do but take chunks out of each other.

"Jackey," a voice whispered. Panic blossomed. Seizing his heart with a cool hand. Jack's heart pumped harder. His eyes edged to the side daring himself to peek behind him. Slowly he turned is head, a light sweat glistening upon his brow. Jack jumped. A face he never wanted to see again appeared before him. Then it was gone. Releasing a breath he didn't know he had, he held a hand to his chest. His eyes shot open. The image of the man seared across his memories. He was never going to free. Freedom was not something that man gave willingly. Jack just didn't know whether he had the strength to fight for it. Not without his team.

Not without Ianto.

But the man was livid with him. To be honest he couldn't blame him. Not really. God he was a horrible person wasn't he? A horrible person who abandoned someone who had already been through so much. More than he was ever meant to. May be he deserved this. A punishment for past sins. His time as a conman.

The phone rang. His hand hesitated over the reciever before he picked it up.

"Captain Jack Harkness,"

"This is Brigidier General Matheson Sir, UNIT," came the American voice.

"Yes?"

"There was an incursion of the UNIT ship Valient today." _No not this. Please not this. Anything but this. _"We contacted the air ship but there was no reply. We were wondering if Torchwood knew anything."

Jack tapped his fingers thoughtfully against the table. What was he going to say?

"Basically what you know. The appearance by the Toclafane did take place but the Prime Minister took over. He ordered the President of America to be killed, which he was."

"And what about the Prime Minister,"

"There was gun fire. Got caught in the cross fire,"

"So we can't apprehend him then," the voice sounded angry.

Jack sighed. For what they lacked in brains, the made up with in brawns. "No," he replied curtly.

"What about his body?"

Jack was growing tired of this. "He was Prime Minister of Great Britain, not the President of America. We will do what we want with the body!" He snapped slamming down the phone. He probably shouldn't have done that. Yeah, he probably shouldn't have. Where had that anger come from anyway? Growling to himself, he was counting the seconds for the phone to ring.

"Yeah,"

"Sir, there's an angry man on the line from UNIT. Shall I patch him through?"

"If you must," sighed Jack, not caring if he hurted Ianto's feelings at the moment. He couldn't think about him constantly. Actually, that was part of the problem. Damn man had taken him over.

"That was rude Sir," the strained voice said, vibrating with controlled rage.

"Yeah?" he replied daring him to answer back. This was just the distraction he needed. There was silence on the other end.

"So you are telling me Torcwhood, who are meant to keep on top of things in their own country don't even know what happened?!" he exclaimed exasperatedly. Jack could imagine him waving his hands about in his office, attracting the attention of colleagues by his shouting. Jack smiled slightly. God knows he needs something to laugh about.

"That's not what I said. I said there was gun fire and the Prime Minister was caught in the cross fire. Anyway, surely the man deserves to be buried...or cremated should that be his fancy?" he asked remembering walking away from the Doctor, leaving him alone to burn that last of his kind. He couldn't have watched anyway. He was too busy making sure that Tish wasn't too distraught, and ordering the guards to clean up, trying to convince them things would be different now. Technically they never lived through it. Poor consolation for such a trauma but what else could be said?

"I don't think he does _Captain_. He murdered the President," the man spat.

"Correction, he ordered the assassination of the President and what about family? What about his wife? Doesn't she deserve to mourn her husband? I'm sure she's completely innocent in all of this," Jack stated calmly. He felt anything but calm. A rush of anger, fear and hatred coursed through his body at the mention of Lucy Saxon. She had helped him. She had...Jack closed his eyes fighting the memories. He and a few others knew the truth - Luxy Saxon was no innocent, but this was how the Doctor wanted it. A second chance. A new life. Hell knows he's using his second chance right now because of the Doctor. He trusted the alien's judgement.

"You're right. What's done is done. I appologise for _my_ rudeness Captain Harkness. I'll leave to work now," and with that the phone went dead.

Jack growled and delved into work. On a slow day like this he usually had Ianto to banter with keeping him from his dark thoughts. But without him, the only thing preventing him from breaking down was the knowledge that at some point, the world was going to need saving. Probably sooner rather than later.

"Who does he think he is? He dies -granted that was my fault- wakes up, dies again, wakes up, swans off with the Doctor, has a right old time and come back without a word of explanation!"

"Owen, he did explain some things,"

"Like what Gwen? That he loves the alien and like Ianto, has been keeping stuff from us for a very long time? We need to know we can trust him! How can we do that if we don't know the least bit about him!"

"I'm not siding with him Owen!" snapped Gwen her eyes flashing slightly. Why did everyone want to argue with her? "But we do know he can't die?" she added timidly.

Owen snorted in disdain. Before him sat an open window on the monitor. There was screeds of writing. It was the report he was meant to be completing but he just didn't feel like it. He didn't have time for it to be in so why bother? If Jack can just drop his duties why can't he?

"Do you two want to have pay docked?" inserted Toshiko as she was, as always, staring at her beloved computers. Her fingers were rapidly tapping.

Owen shook his head and turned to his own computer. "Trust Tosh to suck the fun out of everything," he commented causing Gwen to smack him over the head. "OI!" he cried swatting after her. Gwen giggled dodging his swipes.

"She's right you know,"

"That's the bloody problem," he grumbled crankily. His hand wandered around the desk searching for the coffee mug he forgot wasn't there. Growling to himself he frowned deeply at the computer now deeply annoyed. Just by chance, Ianto Jones had just appeared bearings gifts of steaming coffee. There were only three mugs on the tray. They all thanked him cautiously watching him as he returned to the kitchen. Ianto glanced up at his boss's office. He saw Jack working furiously on the computer occasionally glancing down at papers on the desk. He missed the look of longing Jack sent his way.

8

Gwen flicked through the police reports. There was talk of ghosts and even one about a vampire. Last year she would have scoffed at such things but not now. Torchwood taught her to keep an open mind: even to the impossible. So now, when she read about it she couldn't help but frown in wonder. Was there something in this? A year ago it was the breaking and entering that would have caught her eye. It seemed to her theft had risen significantly in the past few months. TVs, DVD players, DVD recorders, microwaves, printers, laptops and even a vaccuum cleaners have been going missing from couples homes.

Gwen missed the part where the residents went missing for a week each time.

"There's some weird stuff in the police reports," she said as Tosh walked by.

"What weird stuff?"

"Stuff about ghosts and vampires. Weird stuff,"

Tosh chuckled. "Ignore it."

"What about those ghosts last year?" asked a naive Gwen.

Tosh walked over to her with a shocked expression. "Come on Gwen! You can't tell me you still believe that rubbish!" she exclaimed earning the attention of Owen.

Gwen glanced over at him and decided she didn't need his sniping comments thank you very much. Luckily he was too busy being interested in the fact Ianto didn't take Jack any coffee before turning back to the paper work and pretended to do it.

Tosh walked right up to Gwen and crouched beside her. There was no need, really, to drag this all up again. They didn't need to remind poor Ianto. "The ghosts were cybermen Gwen. Where were you?" She asked annoyed that Gwen had forgotten - again. Well. Some people just want it all don't they?

Gwen instantly looked shocked and ashamed of herself. Serves her right, thought Tosh before shaking her head. There was no need to think that. No need at all. Where had it come from anyway? A thought like that from Owen was understandable but from her? Tosh shrugged it off though. She can be perfect some other time. Just not today. Not when their boss had just came back from wherever and more or less said he was the only one allowed to keep secrets. Plus, she still had a job to do.

Tosh got on with her work leaving Gwen to her thoughts.

How could she forget something like that? Looking around she sighed in relief that Ianto was nowhere to be seen. That guy could creep up on a mouse! _Still there was no need for that tone,_ she thought miffed. _I am new here_. She thought that was the answer to everything: being new. The reason she got off with letting out that alien sex gas, the reason Jack didn't sack her for letting Suzie out, for forgetting about Ianto and Lisa... oh so many things. She was the humanity of the group. The problem was she knew that. They rely on her to reel them in when they go off on that tangent of theirs. _Don't let things slip. Don't give up on life outside here. Go to your boyfriend. Live. Don't let things go_. _He tells me what to do, asks me whether I'm keeping things in check. Pries into MY life but we can't ask a thing about his?! That's not right_. Gwen quite frankly was angry. Angry at herself for forgetting again. Angry at Tosh for pointing it out. But mostly angry at Jack. She had been so worried when he dissappeared. Left without a word, a warning, and appears again like nothing ever happened. Like she was going to believe that story. Got up after dying twice and looses him to that awful awful sound. Not that it meant anything to her. But it meant something to Ianto from the way his face fell. It was the first time she'd seen him drop anything. Couldn't Jack see what he'd done to him?? What he'd done to _all _of them? As usual they were expected to pick up the pieces. Well not this time.

Not this time.

Not again.

She got over Jasmine. The little girl who deserved to live more than anything in the world. And he just let her go. Just like that. Like snapping your fingers: that easy. As if it ever was that simple.

She failed to realise just how much Jack wished it was.

No coffee. Well that was expected. He could hardly blame the guy for being livid with him. Oh he knew Ianto would be civil when he had to, but never more than expected. Never more than he could help. Jack's fingers paused over the keys. He stared unblinking at the monitor before him as if it was playing a scene from the past.

_"Iantoooooooooo,"_

_"Sir,"_

_"Any chance of coffee magic from a hot Welsh tea-boy?"_

_"Are you saying you want cold coffee Sir?"_

_There was a pause._

_"No...but it may get cold if I happen to forget about it..." the suggestion clear within his voice._

_"Careful Sir," warned Ianto but the smile on his face suggested otherwise._

_"Harassment?" Jack asked looking innocent._

_"Just a bit," he replied smirking._

_"I can be subtler," Jack said looking anywhere but Ianto._

_"You wouldn't know what subtle was even if it danced in front of you naked,"_

_"Now there's an idea..." Jack said walking towards Ianto._

_"Don't start,"_

_"I'm not!"_

_Ianto just gave him a look that was sceptical to a point. One eyebrow raised to contest his denial. Of course any verbal retort was swallowed when Jack kissed him._

_"Then again I'm not sure I need the coffee. You taste perfect,"_

Jack smiled at the memory. Even though it was painful to realise he didn't have that now. He didn't know how to fix it. He wasn't sure he could. Every so often he would find himself wondering what happened to him, only to chuckle bitterly. Oh yeah, he knew what happened all right. At least this time it wasn't his fault. Jack felt slightly relieved at that. His team can try but they will never be able to. The won't ever be able to blame him this time. That, at the very least, gave him a semblence of peace.

If anyone had been watching, or was in the room, they would have seen a man laugh to himself giving on the impression he ws slightly cracked. Perhaps he was. Jack laughed at the irony of it. How many times would the Doctor's adventures heal him only to break him again?

The first time he had been a conman searching for his memories. Searching for a truth he would never find. They took him in, taught him to be a good person again. Shown him he was better than the man they met back in 1941; better than the criminal he was trying to be; better than the bad man he wanted people to see to protect himself.

This time he was an angry bitter friend who wanted answers. A friend who was drowning in his own darkness looking for the light: a way out. A way to kill himself. A solution that was robbed from him. This last adventure taught him not to give up, gave him hope, shown him how strong he could be.

What hurt the most was that the Doctor hadn't even asked if he was fine. Not a word in his direction whether he was Ok with the whole thing. Jack didn't blame him though. The Doctor truly was alone now. After a year of being treated like a dog by someone who used to be your friend must have burned. And he _still_ wanted to save him. Such compassion was the Doctor, even for those who didn't deserve it.

Did that mean he didn't? Was he just a case of pity, an experiment? A bit of fun at his expense because let's face it, he had done some horrible things in the past. Jack snorted. Or the future. His eyes burned slighlty. That was it wasn't it? he was dumped because he wasn't worth it. The Doctor would never have come back for him.

He was wrong.

_Oh look. The girly and the freak_.

"Stop it!" he said to himself.

_"But why would I want to do that? This is so much fun after all," _ all he could hear was _his_ voice: _his_ breath against his skin; _his_ touch upon his...

"You're dead," a broken whisper to himself.

_"You haven't once asked about your friend. Your Doctor," he spat. "Don't you want to know how he's doing? Or don't you care? Just so you know he certainly hasn't been asking for you. But enough of this. Time to have me some fun."_

Jack stifled a cry as the memory becamse real. The living nightmare coming back to haunt him even though he was dead and gone. Jack's mind clearly thought differently. It knew the Doctor thought he was gone the last time. How long had the Time Lord lived in irgnorant bliss to the fact his psycopathic friend was alive and kicking?

Another regret to add to the list.

He should never have looked for the Doctor.

Jack glanced at his watch noticing that they had been here for hours already. Another slow day to add to the list of problems. He guessed work wasn't enough to distract him from the pain anymore. Owen had a report due in too.

Getting up stiffly he stretched. His muscles still remembered to the strain of standing up for so long. His arms ached, a throbbing. And his head was pounding from the last time he died. One death too many apparently. Did he really have to go out there and talk to them? He was just dreading these conversations.

"Owen got that report yet?"

There was no reply. Gwen and Tosh didn't even look up at him at all, or glance at Owen. They were again, a united front. Why ddi this always happen when he needed them most?

"Dr Harper. The report," he stated hoping the correct title would cajoul him into at least answering, if not cooperation.

"Nope,"

"Nope?"

Again Owen ignored him. Jack walked to his workstation and stood next to him arms folded.

_'As if that's gonna work,'_ thought Owen as he stared even harder at the screen before him. This was one battle he would win.

"Owen? The report. Now."

Owen looked up at him and shrugged his shoulders in a careless manner. If he didn't know any better he would have sworn the lights dimmed a fraction. Jack Harkness did not get to boss him about whenever he felt like it. He takes an unscheduled day off? Well so will he. It's only fair isn't it? He knew Jack would say it wasn't. But then again life isn't.

"You haven't done it have you?"

A chuckle emitted from the doctor. "No,"

"Why?"

"Well let me think Jack." he said sardonically. "Why would I not do my work? Oh I don't know. I hate paperwork? No that's not it because I know I have to do it eventually. Or is it because you left us in the lurch, we got sent to the flippin' mountains and I'm expected to do my work while you refuse to tell us anything," Owen glared at his boss. Right now he didn't care if he was fired. He would kiss those memories goodbye.

"So that gives you the right to not do your work," Owen shrugged nonchalontly. "Fine then. Off you go, All of you."

"What?" piped Gwen suddenly interested.

"You're not going to do the work. Leave. I don't want you here,"

"Really?" asked Owen. Truthfully he had been expected to be shouted at not kicked out. _Was_ he being fired? He did like his memories after all despite what he claimed. The past few years hadn't been all bad.

"Yeah. Go on, get lost. Don't come in tomorrow either. There. There's your holiday Owen. But you're not getting paid for anything you did today. Or tomorrow."

Owen and Gwen looked like they were about to protest but Jack had already slammed the door shut. Releasing a sigh Owen left his workstation, grabbed his coat and walked away. "Coming Gwen,"

Gwen nodded abandoning her work as well.

Tosh watched them go. A frown creased her brow. That wasn't like Jack. Usually his last resort was sending them home. He made them work for two days straight once because of they irritated him so much. Only Ianto had been offered the chance to go home since he hadn't done anything wrong. Plus she suspected they had started doing their thing by then too. And she was sent home first with an applogetic look. She accepted it of course. She _did _have stuff to do: things to callobrate, programmes to run, systems to check. She would only have to have done it in the morning. It would have taken all day! She was contemplating walking out too when her computer beeped.

MESSAGE FROM JACK.

She clicked it open sparing a glance in the direction of his office. Clearly he was too angry to come out and tell her himself.

JACK:Go home Tosh. You'll get your pay check don't worry. Don't come in tomorrow either unless you've got stuff you _really_ have to do. Paid holiday.

TOSH:Why?

JACK:Why? You don't want to be paid? More money for the budget then.

TOSH:That's not what I meant Jack.

JACK IS WRITING MESSAGE

JACK:I know. Go home Toshiko. You deserve it.

TOSH:Are you OK Jack?

JACK:I'm fine Tosh

JACK HAS SIGNED OUT.

Sighing Tosh gathered her things up but not before running that diagnosics programme and setting it to alert Ianto if anything came up.

_I ask for nice reviews because it might make me feel better._


	4. Coping

_**Chapter 4**_

Dislcaimer - i do not own Torchwood. I just love playing with the characters :P

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you_

_50 thousand tears I've cried_

_Screaming deciving and bleeding for you_

_And you still won't hear me_

_Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself_

Jack sighed. He had wanted to keep them in the Hub as long as possible. That way he could at least distract himself from the terrible thoughts he knew he was going to have. Heck, he was already having them. He sent the ceiling a pained expression and attempted vainly to clear his mind. It shouldn't be this hard, he was trained for goodness sake!! Trained!! Twice!! And that training wasn't exactly a breeze. Well the first time around anyway. Torchwood was a piece of cake compared to the Time Agency. That reminded him actually. He should train everyone again according to the higher much more professional standard of the Time Agency. Not surprising really since they were 3000 years into the future. His home. His past. He leant his head against the desk. The smooth texture comforted him a little but did nothing to ease his headache. The one that had been chasing him since he got back mere hours ago. How many times had he awoken to this mind numbing pain? How many deaths was it? How many times did he have to look into those eyes while he felt his life slipping away: often slowly.

How many times?

This headache was just another round won for the Master. Another battle he had lost. Even though they won the war Jack didn't know how much it was worth. Didn't matter. Anything was better than _that_.

Jack jumped at the noise of someone knocking on his door and prayed that whoever it was didn't notice. Wait...since when was there someone else in the Hub?

The door was pushed open by a rather handsome man in a suit. Ah yes of course. Ianto. How could he have forgotten?

"Sir, why is there no one in the Hub?" Ianto asked bluntly. There was no way he was staying here by himself. Probably Harkness's way of getting in his pants again but it was, not, happening. No way was he going to let that leering American near him right now. If he earned his forgiveness then may be he would think about it. May be.

For a moment Jack looked puzzled which confused Ianto. "Oh yeah. Sent them home. They weren't doing any work anyway and I didn't feel like putting up with it. It's been a long day Ianto. You can go when you wish." Jack paused for a moment and squinted as if trying to remember something. "Oh, and you have tomrrow off if you feel you can keep away."

"You sent them home?"

"Yes,"

Odd.

Jack Harkness wasn't known for generosity such as that unless they had been going at it straight for days. They weren't doing that today. It was fairly slow. Not one person came into the tourist office so he did the budget and some spreadsheets. There was some filing to be done but nothing major. Plus a day off might be good for him.

He wasn't coming on to him? This was new.

"Tomorrow off?"

"Obsolutely. I know that you keep this place running. You deserve it more than most," Jack said sincerely to him looking straight at him. Blue met blue uncertain of each other. Jack wished Ianto would just leave. If he stayed he might just crack. He would spill everything. He wasn't ready. He didn't know if he ever would be. It hurt so much. The soldier in him told him it would get better: it did before, it will now. He just needed time. He had a lot of that. Eternity apparently. Surely that was more than enough time to recover from this tragic year that no one remembers. All he had to do was take it slowly. One day at a time would get him through this, he didn't want to tell him. He couldn't do that to ianto. Jack knew he was holding him together just like Ianto was showing him the light. Ianto leading him from the darkness was the best thing that happened to him since Estelle but now...

He couldn't, he woudln't breath a word. He felt vulnerable. Rebuilding the barriers first, before crossing that bridge again was the only way Jack knew how. He hadn't done it any differently.

He longed to hold him. To be held. To beg him not to leave and always stay, even if it meant the pain of losing him. He needed to kiss him, to lie in bed with him and let the world melt away. Ianto would protect him from the nightmares. He always did.

"Coffee before I go Sir?" Ianto snapped him out of this thoughts.

Coffee? Before he goes? Ianto never leaves the Hub. He's never accepted time off either. Was he avoiding him?

"Sure,"

Ianto turned away and trudged to the kitchen. Jack seemed a little odd today but who was he to judge? Jack was always a little odd. _But since when does he jump when someone knocks on the door?_ His concern for his boss grew. Something just wasn't right. Ianto prided himself in the fact that he was the only one Jack would willingly talk to. Gwen, on the otherhand, often backed him into a corner. _If she does that too much, he'll lash out. Surely she can see that?_ It was strange being in the Hub alone this early and not having jumped Jack by now. May be he didn't care anymore? He wasn't needed? Ianto didn't think he could take that. He needed Jack. It would be so hard to replace him with someone else. Impossible in fact. Jack was like finding a four leaf clover. The smashing of another mug as it slipped from his fingers brought him to his senses. Tutting, he picked it up, slicing his fingers of the shards.

"That's what you get for not paying attention," he stated to himself then looked up. He was going to have to erase this footage - couldn't let them find out. No way. At least he's had quite a bit of practice since the last attempt. He grimmaced. There was no need to remind himself of _that._ He hissed as the water flooded the cuts, the pinkish water slid down the plug whole.

It wasn't difficult to remember how Jack liked his coffee. After making if for months it wouldn't be but that was beside the point. He drank this thick, dark bean the reminded of the burnt beans his mother used to give him when he'd been naughty. Disgusting they were. Opening and closing his mouth he tried to forget the remants of haunted taste. Tasted a bit like coal he imagined. Then again, he never ate coal.

Was there a species of alien that ate coal? You never knew.

Carefully carrying the mug back up to Jack's office he paused in a shadow concealed near the door. Was it him or was the other man breathing rather fast? He'd hyperventillated a few times but that was usually after he'd fallen asleep and had a particularly nasty nightmare. So why was he doing it now?

Probably hoping for sympathy.

Walking forwards without knocking he entered the room. He couldn't miss the momentary fear in his bosses eyes, the tension in the shoulders and the sudden relaxation when he saw it was only the tea-boy. Tea-boy Ianto. Who would be afraid of him? Owen hopefully.

"Your coffee Sir," he said politely.

"Thanks Ianto," he replied reaching out for the mug. Fear. Pain. Warmth upon his skin. Unwelcomed warmth. Jack yanked the mug away from Ianto, spilling the hot liquid over his hand when his fingers touched Ianto's. Strangely Jack didn't feel the scorching pain on his hand: it was all over his body. Flames licked his skin, in the subtlest of torture. He would not be burnt to crisp. No, the Master wouldn't allow it. He would die from the aftermath of the burns. The agonisingly slow death or melted flesh and infection. He remembered every second of the long drawn out death he created for him. The sickening smell. The fact he had vomitted and was still gagging dry during the whole process. Process. It made it sound so clinical.

"Thanks Ianto." he said voice cracking slightly. Dammit. He was not going to ask for help. He wouldn't let Ianto. Ianto was better off without him.

"Sir?" questioned Ianto. What happened? Even if he didn't feel anything for him anymore why would he have such an adverse reaction to a simple touch? It wasn't like it was intended or anything. So why?

"Please go Ianto," asked Jack tiredly.

"But..."

"I don't care Ianto. Leave," he said but couldn't look in his eyes. He refused to see the hurt that he caused. The pain. Why was the world full of it?

Ianto turned and left silently. Hurt welled within him at the coldness of Jack's voice. He had never used that tone with him recently: excluding the time when the opened the rift but that was understandable. They all deliberately went against direct orders. Why would he not be cold? Fine. If he was going to be that way so be it. It only made him more determined to find out what he was hiding anyway. And he wouldn't necessarily be nice about it either.

_How dare he! How dare he send me home! It was only fair. It could only ever be fair. After all, need I remind anyone that Jack was the one that swanned off in the first place. It goes both ways you know. I was due a day off anyway. I wasn't having to expect to take over on such short notice. He could have at least warned me!_ Owen's rant continued inside his head unchecked. If he wasn't so angry he would have noticed the beautiful Gwen look at him expectantly. Her calm serene expression would surely nulify his fiery anger.

"Owen are you going to rant to yourself all day or are we going to have a drink?" she asked impatiently. He had after all been there for 30 minutes doing nothing but pour steam from his ears. It was getting a little wearing.

"What? Oh right. Yeah sorry,"

"Let it go Owen,"

"What? No! He abandoned us!! He has to face the consequences!" eclaimed Owen earning strange looks from the other drinkers.

"Stop it!" hissed Gwen leaning towards him. "I'm not saying forgive him, I'm saying let's have a drink together without biting each others head's off because you know, we were falling a part without him and he was only gone a day!"

Owen snorted. He didn't believe that one bit. They were doing just fine without him. _now_ it was all going down hill. They didn't need Jack anymore. _he _ didn't need Jack anymore.

Gwen scolwed at Owen. His behaviour was just totally unacceptable. There was no way he should have reacted this way. It wasn't fair on them. Owen didn't care much about fair though. He had been treating Ianto like a slave ever since Jack left. Consant demands and nit picking. She was surprised Ianto hadn't lost it by now. He was struggling to cope with being abandoned and his own nightmares enough without Owen chomping in his ear every two seconds.

"OK, OK!" Owen said holding his hands up in the air in mock surrender. Gwen did have a mean right hook.

"Good," said Gwen still glaring at him. Did he have to take it out on her? Really? "Did you think he was coming back?"

"No. To be honest I didn't expect him to even be glanced again let alone come back. This is the Doctor we're talking about for crying out loud! His companions are never seen again,"

"Jack was," Gwen's steadfast faith could get her into so much trouble. She believed in so many things that didn't deserve belief or weren't true - like death.

Owen snorted. "Yeah, but Jack can't die can he?" he said quietly. He wasn't daft enough to yell that out no matter what anyone said.

Silence settled over them for a while as Gwen contemplated this. Not being able to die did have its benefits but didn't it have drawbacks also? Did Owen really think that that Doctor killed - or got his companions killed? He certainly was implying that but who knew what the truth was. It wouldn't be the first time Owen has been drastically wrong. Take the Rift for starters. Owen was adamant it was the right thing at the time though. Even if it didn't matter for Jack, Tosh still deserved to live the life she expected - not stuck in the forties with a gay guy in the middle of a war.

Owen was always blunt.

"Perhaps we should think of ways of making his life difficult," suggested Gwen. Their boss, the enigmatic, mysterious, witholding man _did_ leave then in the lurch with no way of contact. Owen might be a little rash but Jack deserved some punishment.

Dr Owen Harper grinned at the suggestion. Gwen the humane one was getting vindictive. If he wasn't so pleased about the suggestion he would have ordered her to have a few days off - if not persuade her to change employment. Missing memories was never an exciting prospect but certainly better than becoming like them.

88

Twisting hair with his fingers he tugged the dead strands with force that had it coming out of his head. The pain was a slight release, one that he desperately needed. The bliss, however small and momentary, was far better than the pain he felt. Why did he push Ianto away when he knew that he desperately needed him. There was no way he could do it without him but the thought of telling him when he was so clearly angry was unbearable.

What he thought it was all just an elaborate scheme to get him back in bed?

No. He couldn't, wouldn't do that. Ianto deserved so much more than he gave him and that he could give him at the moment. He didn't need a broken immortal on top of all his existing problems. He wasn't a bundle of laughs as it was. Not since the Game Station. Especially since _that year_.

_"You will never escape Malthus. I can call you Malthus can't I?' a voice whispered his his ear, breath hot against his cheeks, lips brushing his skin. Jack didn't particularly want him to, his mental protest screaming at the Master. A chuckle caught his attention. "You don't like that do you?" Saxon waited patiently before violently shaking him. "It wasn't rhetorical," he growled. His moods would change like the wind: no warning just a fact._

_"No. I don't," stated Jack hoarsely. Saxon grinned manically, dancing from foot to foot. He waved his hands excitedly in the air. Jack's eyes never left those hands._

_"I knew that already. Are you just __**dying **__ to know how?" the Master asked laughing at the irony._

_Dying..._

He wishes. Death right now seemed to be the good, safe and easy option. The comforting one that would let him leave this mess behind. Jack brought his hands before his face, clumps of black hair sifting on his fingers, floating to the floor. The swelling memories brought forth of the one where the Master yanked his head back by the hair ripping it from his head. It hadn't taken too long to grow back and no one but the Master saw behind him. Jack shuddered. It wasn't...he couldn't...wouldn't...why did he?...how...

Deep breaths punctuated his thoughts as he struggled to pull in the air. Sweat misted his brow as the adrenaline pumped harder and faster through his body, the bitter taste in his mouth overwhelming when that was all he could concentrate on barely breathing anymore, just remembering, always the memories haunting and taunting him like it was somehow his fault.

But it was. Always no matter what. If he hadn't gone, the TARDIS wouldn't have spurred off to unimaginable times and Martha wouldn't have brought Yana's attention to the watch. It had to be Yana you see. They were two different people in his mind. In fact they were: the benevolent kind old man compared to the sadistic, cruel power hungry alien hell bent on torment and torture.

He had to get out. He had to leave. Leave the darkness and the damp and the cold. Go somewhere equally dark but free, illuminated by lights.

Outside a comforting wind blew, gently twisting itself against his skin. The cool air brushed his hot flushed flesh, dampening the radiating heat. The gnawing in his stomach soothed yet constant sat undisturbed within his soul. Time to break, time to heal. It was all the same in end.

Time...

It was a cursed thing. Never ending nor beginning. Jack snorted. At least that's what they say. He knew about not ending, on and on forever to infinity and beyond. A universe without life. A lonely candle with dwindling oxygen that will continue without it.

He's going to go mad.

Mad with time. Mad with grief. Mad with sorrow and pain, and guilt and remorse. Mad with regret. Mad because of time.

The Cardiff sky was brown with pollution. It was a muddy colour distorted by the black undertone of space. Jack wandered down shrouded alley, eyes staring unseeing ahead. He was walking the halls of the Valient, the metal beams and flat hard floors, harsh bright light and the ever constant overshadowing presence of the Harold Saxon.

A snarling behind him was lost to the wind. It took away the growl and the loud snapping of the jaws that Jack should have heard. He missed the gleaming eyes watching its prey. He was in its territory now. It didn't fancy the deep underground for there were no Happy Meals in the sewers.

Flash. Slash. Rip. Tear.

Blood pooled around the limp body an inhuman hand curled around the form ready to drag it into a dusty corner when a shot, lights, dazzling and bright the brandishing of a weapon scared it away.

It didn't matter though. It was done its job. Now it was up to the others.

_Shorter chapter because of the original delay. There will be a while until the next chapter but I have an inkling of some of the things that will happen. I'm moving on to write chapter 16 of HP and chapter 6 for Hunting Revenge. _

_Chapter 16 is unfortunately the priority, that fic is nearly, so very nearly completed and another long wait like the last one would be disgraceful. I ask you to be patient._


	5. Contemplations

_**DISCLAIMER: i DO NOT OWN TORCHWOOD AND NEVER WILL.**_

**Sincerest appologies. this chapter was meant to be up shortly after Christmas but I stuppidly managed to delete it!! o-0. I am so mad :**

The key his the lock scraping against the metal. The jingle of the keys reverberated throughout the grotty grey corridor. Concrete, a substance wrought from limestone was dull boring yet its consistency was reassuring and familiar. It provided a stability here and in the Hub that was often ripped away when the chaos ensued. The appartment was neat and tidy showing the signs of it being barely lived in. He hardly stayed here anymore living in the close quarters of the Hub and mostly working all night. Sometimes they would find him asleep or force him to rest. It was usually during odd times when they needed him most. He needed to be needed: not needed someone. it was good for them he supposed because Jack needed someone there but also needed to feel wanted. Then he just left. It made absolutely not sense to him.

The window was open again, letting the cold sharp air into the room. He sighed, irritated at having to forget to close it in his rush out. It must he been open for a good few days now. It wasn't everyday they all got called away. Quickly, however they had realised something was wrong and came back home before all the flights were grounded: luckily they were already in the air.

He changed into his pajamas that Jack had gotten him for a joke. They were speckled with green little aliens Jack had found cute. They were quite endearing, waving happily at him but today it just annoyed him. He had yet to see a green alien or indeed one that he liked.

He lay down on the bed, the cold seeping to his skin. His thoughts naturally turning to his boss and his suppossed lover. How could he just disappear like that and return like nothing had happened? Why did he have to die, come back, die again, stay dead for ages, kiss him in front of everyone and dump him like a sack of potatoes for the Doctor! Jack had lead Ianto to believe that he had meant something to him. That he cared because he made him feel like everything. He had that ability to charm the socks off you or freeze you in horror. Ianto smiled sadly. He could be terribly sweet when he felt like it. From demanding and dominant, to soft, gently, coercive and possibly needy, Jack was never forceful and always stopped when asked. He didn't give that impression.

Ianto thumped the mattress. _But he messed me about. Sayed he cared a lot, never love though. Either he didn't or couldn't bring himself to say it. Oh, who am I kidding, he doesn't love me. He loves the Doctor. Why should I care what he does?_

That wince, that jump. Had he imagined it or was it real? it was a simple noise, the knock on the door, the footsteps up the metal staircase yet he was always tense like he expected something bad to happen. A gunshot? A blow? What?

He shouldn't speculate. Jack didn't want him to. He had shoved him away coldly like he was prying into a stranger's business. Something was wrong, and Ianto would find out eventually. He'd make sure of it.

Jack's life just wouldn't be pleasant until he did.

Tosh slipped under the cover of bubbles floating on top of the bathtub. It was the first time in a week that she had been able to relax without worry of having to go into work. Of course there still could be an emergency and they would all be called in but Jack would try and avoid that if he was mad at them. He always ended up trying to do everything himself. He wasn't so mad with her so she could at least pop in and see how he was.

Phone...phone would be safer. She emerged from under the water, eyes closed running her hands through her hair remembering that she forgot to remove her mascara.

Jack...he was a mystery to any one that had ever met him but more so to his team and they worked together everyday. She had a few more pieces of the puzzle although where and what they connected with was beyond her. A conman, a stolen name, immortal, forever. It explained where he got that ruthless streak from. Not where, why. Toshiko wanted to find out more and she cursed her curiosity. Jack had told her that she didn't want to know but wasn't that for her to decide? If she didn't like what she heard it be too late to take it back: she wouldn't accept retcon anyway.

The others were being brutal towards him. Needlessly nasty towards someone they had recently had their hands in murdering. Even if he didn't remain dead their hands were still covered in his blood and he took them back, forgave them, washed it aside. Tosh knew that he wouldn't forget though. It was another notch against them but Jack understood what this job meant more than any of them. He had wronged them too but to that degree? He would have killed Ianto she was sure if he was pushed hard enough but his reluctance redeemed him. Tosh knew that if that had happened to her she would need to get out. Get away from everything even if it was just for a little while. She probably wouldn't have told anyone either but it was the Doctor he went with. That was a betrayal in itself.

The Doctor was his friend and he hid that from them! Could he not trust them enough. She snorted. Evidently enough. it made her feel sick to think how bad a friend she was. How many times did they have to betray him before it pushed him over the edge? BEfore he could no longer look at them, think of them without feeling an inconceivable rage, hurt and betrayal? Too soon Tosh thought. Too soon indeed.

8

Her back was against the wall, his body pulled flush against hers, his mouth hot against her pulsing neck. He nipped, earning a moan and a whisper of his name. Her hands were at the small of his back, the blue shirt long disposed off on the hardwood floor. She had promised this would never happen again but when his mouth found hers, prying her lips open with that golden tongue of his all thoughts slipped from her head. She was in the moment, that was all there was to it. No need for excuses. She wanted him. He wanted her. Simple.

His hands travelled up her body making her shiver. He reached behind her, lifting her to him to undo her bra. It dropped to the floor like a brick. She gasped and moaned, need rising within her. Need to feel, need to have him. God, his hand was on her thigh trailing upwards, tickling...

She would regret it in the morning, rembering herself. She was an awful person. How could she continue to do that to herself and to her lovely boyfriend who really had no idea? When she awakes there would be an arm around her waist informing her that she wasn't at home as she had first thought but in the arms of another. The arms of someone, who not long ago, was in love with someone else. Oh great. She was the rebound.

"_This_ is the last time," She muttered getting up and heading for the shower. There really was no point in not having one since the facilities here were fantastic. Another reason to stay.

But what about the man. "Wretched little toad," She muttered shampooing her hair. After ten minutes arms encirled her, soapy and warm, gently massaging it into her skin. "Owen..." She whispered. He kissed her neck. "I can't do this,"

"Of course you can,"

"Owen," she half warned and sighed, leaning against him. Stupid, stupid stupid!!

"Leave him,"

She stiffened unsure whether she had heard correctly. "Pardon?" She asked coldly.

"Leave him. Go out with me,"

She turned to face him. She placed her hands on his shoulders. She looked into his eyes finding the lies, the promise to be thrown away again. There was only blue honesty. "But I love him," she reasoned more to herself than him.

Owen looked at her. "Yet you come here quite a lot." he stated.

"I'm just you're rebound Owen," She exclaimed pushing him away. Owen lost his footing bashing his head against the floor. "Owen," she gasped falling to her knees beside him.

Owen looked up at her and smiled grimly. "I'm fine," He said sitting up.

Gwen snorted. "You're eyes aren't focusing properly silly," she said. Somehow she felt more worried for him than anything else just now.

"You'll stay?" he asked sounding small.

"I'll stay," She replied smiling.

He missed the smell of him. His touch. He was back yet he hadn't even held his hand. he hadn't even _tried_. That was worse. A tear fell down his face when his phone rang. He jumped up and rached for his phone hisitent when he saw the callers name.

**Jack**

He never called him that but always on the phone it said Jack. Not Captain Harkness, or Sir or Boss but Jack. He always felt more comfortable through letter or internet conversation. By the time he decided to answer it the phone stopped ringing. Curiosity getting the better of him, he rang him up but there was no answer from Jack.


	6. Rebuked

DISLCAIMER:I DO NOT OWN TORCHWOOD AND I NEVER WILL. IT BELONGS TO THE BBC, RUSSEL.T.DAVIES ETC...

welcome to chapter 6. It's my longest chapter so far making up for the shortness of the last hopefully. Enjoy!

_Heaven's gates won't open up for me_

_With these broken wings I'm fallin'_

_And all I see is you_

_These city walls ain't got no love for me_

_I'm on the edge of the eighteenth story_

_And oh I scream for you_

_Come please I'm callin'_

_And all I need is you_

_Hurry I'm fallin'_

"Don't," His hand lay on top of hers, eyes begging and warning simulateniously. His position was an awkward one for the best of times and must be causing him considerable pain.

"They need to know," She reasoned gently.

"Phoning them will make them suspicious," He returned with a short glare. He flopped back into the comfort of the bed, grateful that she had a spare one. Although being killed by that thing may have been better since he wouldn't feel like this.

"It wouldn't have," She replied almost instantly as if she read his mind. They both knew she had not.

"What do you mean?" He asked curiously. Death cured everything but not this? He was only battered, bruised and...

"Bleeding very badly. You've lost a lot of blood. You must rest," She interupted his thoughts. It still spoooked him a little that she was able to do that but it made her a great confidante. Most of the time she kept her keen sense of intuition to herself blending in with the natives. He was glad he saved her.

"I'll have you know I saved myself Captain," She said in offence but had humour in her voice.

"I helped,"

"And now I'm helping you," She said softly sitting next to him. Her skin shimmered in the light Just now it was a cool blue but was normally more purpler in hue.

"What's wrong?"

"This? It hasn't been sunny in a long time and I missed my last appointment. it happens when I'm reserving energy. If I do not rest I will collapse or drain the nearest source of its energy. That would be you young Jack," She informed him smiling. it was no problem to her. She would naturally choose to collapse everytime but sometimes her body had other ideas. It depended on the nature of the situation.

"Why? YOu know you have to go. What about today?"

"I will collpase. You are too precious to put through that pain. I am no Empath but I know that you are struggling. Death mists around you like a shroud now. It used to just linger," She stroked his hairs smiling but he refused to close his eyes. That was unusual.

Jack shuddered and attempted to sat up. He groaned flopping on the bed struggling to breath.

"It is best you heal on your own my friend. if they know I am here we'll both be in more danger than it's worth," She stated. Those creatures were horrible indeed. One wrong look and they offed you. She would tell Jack what he needed to know about them. But only what he needed to know. The less he knew about them the better. She would not give him the means to fight them. That was no one's job. Killing did not belong to her but other species. she would not be responsible for their destruction.

"Even if it means mine?" He asked in pain knowing what she was thinking all too well.

"Perhaps," She stated and left. He understood her ways, she knew. The young often did not do what they were told. This was her last body. She would not stain it with their blood. She longed to be the young Valathian she once was but fate it seemed had other ideas.

She turned unsurprised by him dragging his broken and weary body out of bed. It was a shame he could not cross the threshold of the room. Jack tried facing a barrier he could not see. He almost crumpled to the ground in the effort to get through.

"James stop it!" She ordered him, voice growing loud. Jack whimpered shrinking and retreating, hearing not James but Malthus and expecting the worst. His muscles spamsed in remembered pain confused by her gentle touch. "Oh what did he do to you James? What did he do?"

Jack gulped. "He...he used to call me Malthus...and...well..."

"Shhh," She said wrapping him in her arms and rocking him. Fire burned within her eyes like she had not felt in years. Malthus, a derogatory name in an ancient tongue for a sex slave but not so long ago the name of the tyrant who had ravaged a village in which Jack had once lived. All the females were raped, the men stabbed and left to die. Children were spared. Malthus had thought that didn't make him a monster.

"H...how?" he asked wondering how she knew.

"Life and death are my business Jack."

"But time was reversed," Jack whispered looking at her slightly dazed. His ribs were burning, he felt weak but he could feel himself healing. Bundles of energy just waiting for damage were now working away to repair the damage.

She pondered him for a moment. "Life and death is almost as important than time. However if time did not exist, neither does life. The Time Lords were brought into being with time and we with the Time Lords. We are as old as each other and equally important,"

"But he said they were the greatest of all species. The shining world of the seven systems..." Jack trailed off slightly embarrassed for his friend.

She chuckled. "Of course he did," She stated helping him back to bed. Once he was comfortable she placed a kiss on his cheek. A crystaline blue blossoming on his cheek for a moment before dispersing in his body. "They were an arrogant but mighty race. Their policy of no intereferance ultimately lead to their death. They did not make friends easily,"

Jack looked at her eyes clear again now that he was lying down on the firm but soft bed. He wouldn't try getting up again any time soon especially since he would be a sleep in a few minutes.

"We made lots of friends. We liked to help. Our quieter approach meant that we were often forgotten but an accident brought their scorn down upon us and they decided we needed to be watched. Controlled. Monitered," She smiled. "We did not mind at the time because we understood why they hated it so much but they never stopped. We grew resentful and stopped trading, communicating, talking. That is when they sent Koschei to us," Her eyes widened and immediatly stopped talking. Jack was weary now eyes drooping and had probably not caught the name. She stood to leave.

Jack caught her hand. "Stay?" He asked but his eyes pleaded. She nodded and sat beside him playing with his hair in a soothing way. She smiled again, dropping a kiss to his head. She would have to tend to his wrists soon before they got too swollen but it seemed that she would have to follow Jame's example just now and rest.

What should he do? Should he call back and admit he was more worried than angry after what he witnessed earlier? Or was Jack going to do his gruevelling thing and manage to persuede him into his bed so he felt awful the next morning? It was a difficult decision but the jump was too difficult to ignore wasnt it? Surely as a friend...en employee?

Ianto shook his head knowing that he would regret this and called Jack's number.

Her eyelids slid open carefully looking at the body next to her as the sound cut through the air. If he awoke now she would never get him to sleep. It was hard enough the first time without having to put up with one of his impatient restless moods. He was an awful patient.

"Hello," she said after pressing the green phone on the mobile realising Jack would hate her if she got hurt.

"Who's this?" The voice was confused and worried and a bit hostile. It was understandable when a stranger answered your friend's phone.

"A friend,"

"What kind of friend?" Ianto's heart was racing. Was Owen right and he was fighting for nothing? There was a chuckle at the other end which irritated him to no end.

"He can be surprsingly faithful and loyal when he realises his own feelings you know. Although that may not be any time soon," She informed him quietly looking at Jack's still and peaceful form. He looked so much like a child crying out for help, and a stubborn teenager when he was awake. It was difficult to believe that they had missed this.

"What does that mean?" The voice was hard. Of course it was. She had probably just insinuiated something.

"You're Torchwood? Which one are you?"

"Torchwood? Which one?," Ianto had no intention of telling her anything. How was he to know that Jack actually _had_ told her anything at all and she could be trusted. For all he knew she was the enemy. simple.

"Oh life is very complicated. You're over active interest in his sexual activities tell me you are Ianto Jones correct?"

There was silence over the phone. she sighed. "Look we're friends and he's currently lying on my spare bed battered and bleeding. Can we meet?" She asked in a hard voice.

"Yes,"

"I'll leave his phone on. You can track it. Be here in half an hour," She told him hanging up before he could refuse. She was half expecting him not to turn up but there was no way she was going out while he was lying there prone to nightmares.

She walked to the kitchen pouring hot water into a bowl, grabbing a bag of ice from the freezer, poured salt into the bowl and grabbed the container full of cotton wool. Methodically she stripped him of the shirt she had put him in and unwrapped the bandages. They were still bleeding. Sighing she hurried to her medicine cabinet picking out a cream that should be safe for him to use. It stimulated the blood cells to clot and he'd used it before. _But not so extensively. This could worsen his condition considerabely._ she thought but it had to be done.

She dipped the pads in the water and soaked up the blood while cleansing the cuts. The bleeding had slowed for now. Good.

Later she would suture the wounds but she was in a hurry and now she had a guest and it was the best she could do. She wanted to to clot first. It was refusing. Applying the clear gelly was strange. it was like it rejected him now that thing had attacked it. it wasn't even alive. Shouldn't be possible yet here it was refusing. Eventually it settled over the wounds molding to him. She would have to leave him exposed. No doubt it distress Ianto and if it did it only proved his worth.

She put the bags of ice around his wrists. Hopefully it should do something with the somewhat alien qualities it possessed.

Gwen sat in her appartment, hand to mouth comtemplating. Was she about to start an affair under her boyfriend's nose. A proper one this time, not just going to his house after particularly stressfull times and having a bit of fun? Was she really going to do this to her sweet, caring boyfriend of three years?

He hadn't even mentioned marrying her.

He was asleep. Last night was the late night out with Dav and the boys and he was still asleep when she got in. What would she say? She did an all nighter at work? But she said that so often. _that's because so often it's true,_ her mind returned with. Life was so very complicated now that she had joined Torchwood. She sometimes wished she had never met them at all. Her life would be so much simpler that way.

The door opened and Rhys appeared - stark naked with a hangover. He grunted. She guessed that would be the best she would get out of him for a while. Clearly he had drank way over his limit.

"An all nighter at work again?" He asked gruffly scratching his head.

"Yeah," she agreed quietly.

Rhys was nodding she knew. she wasn't looking at him but they had been through this routine for a couple of weeks now and it was always the same when he was drinking. It was happening more and more now. She would leave because he wouldn't speak and through himself back into bed. It was what was expected. Today however she would stay. She was told not to go into work today and there was no way she wasn't going to take him up on it. They rarely got days off as it was.

"I'll make you breakfast love," She offered and he was out of the kitchen like a shot. "What do you fancy?"

"Scrambled eggs," He replied, eyes bloodshot and smiling slightly at her. Today was not a day for fighting it seemed. He was in a good mood and last night must have went well.

"They're not having any more fights are they?"

"Yeah. yeah they are," Rhys replied leaning against the door. "They let me stay anyway since I was a little worse for wear,"

A little worse for wear. He always said that when he meant pissed drunk.

"YOu won't want to be putting up with me then?" Gwen asked him good naturedly. She was smiling but there was that underlying tone neither of them could miss. Things hadn't exactly been running smoothly between them these last few months but for them to give up now would be disasterous. She needed to give it one last shot. Didn't she?

"Oh I wouldn't say that..." he said smiling slyly and trailing off suggestively. He wiggled his bottom when he turned back to the bedroom, lying provocatively on the bed.

"Now how could I resist that?" She murmered, leaning down to kiss him.

She checked her appearance in the mirror. It would do no good for her to freak the poor boy out before he even got through the door. Her hair still retained that pinkish tinge but she supposed it would have to do. it would only serve to calm him anyway.

There was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" She called waiting at the side of the door. She had learnt not to stand in front of it when a gang raided her flat in the 50s and left her badly injured. She was lucky Captain Jack was around and found her before Torchwood One.

"Ianto Jones," He answered. He was armed of course. There was no way he was giving up his gun. In fact he had it in his hand ready to shoot if necessary.

She opened the door and blinked in surprise it his outward hostile action. It was not unexpected of course but she thought more of Ianto Jones. It however had been a difficult time with Abaddon and Bilis. The mere mention of the creaton made her skin crawl. "Come in," She said welcomingly.

Hesitantly he stepped through the threshold and surveyed the room. "shouldn't you keep that aimed on me?" She asked and he span around. her hands were up in a form of surrender. "Not that I'm ungrateful of the trust you just displayed of course. Or was it sloppiness?"

That earned her a glare. "My name is Lilith," She informed him and sat down on the sofa crossed legged and motioned for him to sit.

"I want to see him,"

"He's sleeping,"

"I still want to see him. Please," He said grudgingly. If she had looked after him like she said she had then this distrust was futile but well practiced. She sighed standing and walked ahead towards the room.

Ianto struck her from behind, the gun connecting with her head, causing her to turn around and look at him questioningly. "Ow," She said in a childish hurt tone. Ianto froze, the gun trained on her as his brain told him she could not be human. Slowly she held up her hands in a way that was universal to all species. It was the one thing they ever had in common.

"What are you?" Ianto demanded. he wasn't about to shoot, she posed little threat to him at the moment but you never every knew. Mary didn't look dangerous at all. Neither did he.

"I'm a friend Ianto. I'm not here to harm anyone. I'm just trying to live my life and guide whom I can," Lillith answered. It sounded pretty peaceful, perhaps too peaceful to a humans ears. Lies would get her no where however since she did not know how.

Ianto glared at her. "I should believe you why?" He asked. She turned opening the door. Ianto pushed her into the room, not roughly, but she was far lighter than she looked and ended up sprawled ontop of Jack. Jack's eyes fluttered open, confusion filling them when he saw Lillith and Ianto. "Jack," He whispered.

"Lils? Yan? What?" Jack said attempting to get his brain into gear. "I told you not to call them!" Jack said annoyed attempting to get up again. Lillith lay a hand to his chest.

"Don't," She said softly, eyes pleading. "You're not well. You need to rest. He phoned you,"

Ianto nodded lowering the gun. Jack turned to Lillith running a hand through her hair checking. He felt the lump already and glared at Ianto. "He hurt you," He said in a small voice.

"I'm fine," She whispered gently grasping his wrist and pulling his hand from her hair. Jack jumped, breathing quickening at the action.

Ianto stood faltering. He put the gun away shocked by the tone in his boss's voice. he sounded so childlike, so broken. How did he not see this before? He prided himself in knownig the team very well: Jack the best, yet this he couldn't see? He didn't notice until a stranger, an _alien_ showed him. something swelled in his stomach. sloshing and splashing as Lillith attempted to calm him down appologising for grasping his wrists. It was true his wrists were bruised and swollen but not as bad as they would have been if they had been left uncared for.

"I'm sorry," He said.

Lillith turned to him, her eyes serene. The pink in her hair a shade more vibrant after the attack. The pheramones must be swrling around them like a cloud now. "Don't worry about it. it is in the nature of your species to attack when frightened without asking questions. I can not fault you for being worried and scared for him," She turned to Jack. "Stay still,"

"My ribs hurt," He muttered frowning and shifting. She helped to prop him up on the pillows in a more comfortable position. "I'll rest, I'll rest," He insisted after seeing her look.

"You better James," She said quietly so Ianto wouldn't hear. "I'll leave you two alone for a bit but no stressing him out Ianto Jones," She told him and left.

"Oh Jack," Ianto said softly approaching the bed. Jack held his hands out linking his fingers with Ianto's. The simple action was imtimate taking Ianto by surprise. Jack was being very gently and uncharacteristically vulnerable.

"Yan," He whispered unsure of what to say or do. He looked so small sitting there bandaged and sore. He almost felt embarrassed at being seen like this but after last year, the blood could be pouring from his open stomach and he wouldn't care. Not after last year. Jack paled, shivered and looked a tiny bit green.

"Jack?" Ianto whispered his hands now at either side of Jack's face stroking his cheeks gently. Ianto gasped when their eyes meet. The intensity of the emotions Jack projected through his yes spoke to him more than words ever could. He was looking at him with such fear and haunted pain yet there in amongst it was a deep adoration and love. Jack pulled Ianto to him, kissing him gently, chastely, whispering his name against his lips. He rested his forehead against Ianto's looking into his eyes feeling so happy that he let him kiss him, but he needed to hold him. He needed to know that he was there, real and solid.

"You're different," Stated Ianto unsure whether that was a good thing or not. Before he knew it he was being kissed again, a tongue teasing his lips a part. He heard Jack purr as he melted into the kiss. Before long he noticed that although Jack was the one who initiated the kiss, it was himself that was in control. It was one of the major inidcators something was very very wrong since Jack normally stood possessive stances, and while he was willing let Ianto kiss and touch him he was always in control. He had once told him it was because he felt vulnerable otherwise so why was he letting himself feel that way now? And for him? He was just the Tea-Boy.

Ianto pulled back looking at Jack who was slightly dazed. "I love you," whispered Jack. "I need you. I want you,"

Ianto shook his head. "No you don't Sir. You left. I'm just the tea boy. The comfort remember?" He said hurt by his lies.

Jack eyes widened shaking his head. "Do you think I'm not capable?" he asked. He had once asked him whether he loved someone and although it stung the question was valid. He had never outwardly showed he could give himself to anyone. He had been too busy searching for peace, the Doctor and although peace was very far away he had found something that had stirred his restlessness.

"Of course you are Sir," Ianto looked down. "But I was just convenient. Remember? The comfort," He said. "Don't get me wrong, we both needed it,"

Jack bit his lip, willing his eyes not to water up. He had spent so long missing him and this was what he was getting. He was crying out mentally, his shields in tatters. Why was he telling him this when it wasn't what he thought?

His outward appearance became blank as if he had wiped all emotion from himself. "I should be back at work tomorrow if not a little sore,"

"Yes Sir," Ianto replied taking that as his que to leave. He went to the door and turned back as if to say something but left.

Alone, Jack let the tears fall from his eyes. Now he truly was alone. just like the Master said he was.

_A.N How about the new series huh? Going well isn't it? May just incorporate some of that humour...or not. We'll see._

_Thank you for all your reviews. All reviews - flames, praise etc - are most welcome. Please do not be afraid to be critical or drop ideas XD_


	7. Crumbling

Chapter 7 - COW - Crumbling

DISCLAIMER: i DO NOT OWN TORCHWOOD AND NEVER WILL. IT BELONGS TO RUSSEL.T.DAVIES. THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THIS TV SHOW TO US. YOU'VE SPARKED AN OBESSION :p

_Okkaayyyy. I have been informed a few times the last chapter was confusing for which I appologise and let's hope this one is not. As a result I have decided to summarise what happened in the last chapter which will hopefully clear a few things up._

_Lillith is an OC who has not appeared before chapter 5. She will probably reappear. She is an alien._

_Lillith called ianto who went to see her. Jack, who had saved Lillith from Torch One after she was injured when she was attacked 50 years or so ago, is friends with her. Lillith acts as a confidant to him and is a passifist. She release pheramones (?) which make it difficult to lie to her. I'll try and find a picture of what she looks like for you :P_

_Lillith and treated his wounds from the attack after she and a few friends saved him from whatever attadked him. It's a work in progress lol._

_Ianto was a little scared and pushed lillith causing Jack to wake up and they had an awkward chat! XD Jack told Ianto that he loves and needs him but Ianto blew him off saying don't lie...don't be ridiculous. Which is a natural reaction since their arrangement was one of comfort not romance. But things change... hints perhaps? perhaps not. never now might decide on Jack/Gwen :P_

_And Gwen has decided to give it a go with Rhys...as she should :P_

_**CRUMBLING**_

Salty water dribbled into his mouth as he gulped in a breath. It was full daylight outside now and he felt useless lying in bed injured because he was stupid. Stupid stupid STUPID! Why...why did he have to tell him that? Why wasn't it what he wanted to hear? Oohhhh. What he wanted to hear. He thought he had been lying? Of course he did.

Jack let out a frustrated cry. He pounded his fists against the douvet and bit his lip as his ribs protested at the physical movement. The pain did not stop him as it would with most people. It spurred him on into a though consuming pain that made everything a little easier while it existed.

The door clicked open and a white blur sped into the room. Slim gentle hands were resting on top of his and silver pools looked into his. Lillith in her normal form was before him, pink tinting her hair, the blue-ish tinge from her skin gone, replaced with a warmer lilac. She looked almost etheral in a flowing white dress. She was larger than a human but more fragile. Her skin had a strange transparency like lilic acetate and swirls seemed to be imprinted in her flesh. Her extra long fingers curled around his fists. "You need to stop," She admonished. Gently she reached up and wiped away the tears upon his irritated cheeks.

"He didn't believe me,"

"He is young. The young do not always believe what they want to hear. Plus you're not exactly the type that would normally say such things and mean them,"

"I haven't told you what I said, or what I was going to say," Jack looked at her confused.

"You didn't need to. You're aura told me that. Plus everything I drew pointed towards you telling him something intimate. what did you say?" Lilith used her phsycic energy to pull up possible futures from the ether. She was more precise though than the wooly art of humans. She followed a more personal time line than that of anyone else. The Time Lords scorned this practice.

"I told him I love him,"

Lillith sighed. She had been afraid that was the reason. The poor man was crushed and he wan't just goign to get better. This wasn't something she could help him with since Jack would refuse to face it and deal with it alone. Stubborn humans!

"He will come around,"

"He won't,"

"He _will_," she assured him.

Jack shook his head. "I know him better. He won't,"

"And _I'm_ the alien remember? I think I can tell. He is such a bright spark, he's...beautiful..." Lilith trailed off unsure how Jack would take that. She didn't mean it physcially. She was blind in their sense, unable to see colours or tones at all. She saw with light, a part of her brain tuned into a different frequency as it were. She was lucky she was not deaf to their speach also.

Jack smiled softly through the tears. "He is. He is one of the best people I know," More than he could give him credit for. Ianto...there was something about him. He continued after Lisa, fought after the cannibals. Ianto was so strong it hurt when he broke.

"He's a fine young man,"

"Yes,"

"You will be fine by tomorrow. All able to hunt aliens and save the day,"

"I only hunt the mean ones,"

Lilith sighed. "I know James. I know," Her hand caressed his cheek soothingly, cool against his hot irritated skin. "Sleep," She whispered sending him dozing lightly on the pillows.

With time, wounds heal; with time wounds worsen. Only time could tell which way Jack would go.

8888888888888888888888888888888

Ianto raised his hand to his mouth. Oh. My. God.

Jack couldn't have meant it could he? Jack the all around playboy, who had propositioned him into being a friend with benefits loved him? Could it be true? Jack Harkness, for lack of something else to call him, who had left without a word to run off with the Doctor, who admitted loving him, had just told Ianto Jones the tea boy that he wanted loved and needed him.

This didn't make much sense

He was lying. Jack had to be. He could be that much in love with the Doctor and him at the same time. He had to love someone more and he'd put his money on the Doctor. How could he beat that? An alien who travels time and space. The Doctor was as much as an enigma as Jack, perhaps more so. The sky above was grey, the clouds thick and fluffy being blown along by short gusts of wind. The wind was warm coming from the south west, He wondered what he might do: it was his first day off in years.

Ianto was in an area of Wales he rarely went to anymore. It was far too close to the countryside and so was understandably jumpy. Sometimes, if he was feeling down he would get flashes of that day, vivid and as real as it had happened. He had been meaning to talk to Jack about it but not now. There was no way he would tell that man that he also got flashes of the day he died. Ianto, was weighed down with guilt inside and Jack had given him a way out - almost.

The Welshman got into his car and sped along the roads. He needed to clear his head from all that was buzzing about and so would visit his brother and neice. It would be a surprise. Yes. They rarely saw him now and it would do him good.

It would have a been a great day. They would have walked to the park, bought ice cream, laughed and had fun. He had considered phoning but decided against it. It would have been such a lovely day.

But Ianto never made it to Gethan's house.

8888888888888888888

She giggled.

He laughed.

She smiled.

He grinned.

It was as if everything she did he did it to the full.

He meant it: she didn't. Not really. Not anymore.

_I'm losing her. I'm losing her to Jack. What's he got that I haven't? A military coat? Power? Power is alluring and he is her boss. He's the first one she calls everytime. It's always bloody Jack. I've only met the bloke once. What's he got that I don't? _Rhys thought to himself as he watched her doze. _I love her more than anything in the world, yet on her side it seems to have dulled, faded to what?_

Everything was wrong. It was all wrong and nothing he seemed to do could fix that. But still...after those three days that she ignored his phone calls and he never saw her once, she had been happy, fun, laughing and loud. She was spending more and more time at work these days, saying she was helping with orders. Rhys assumed she had been promoted to manager and that it was pretty quick for the likes of that. But then Jack was an odd bloke.

She snuffled in her sleep, smiling to herself at what her dreams were showing her. They were of the happy times with Rhys, the pure utter fun she felt with Owen, her significance and place in the world. Finally, meaning like no other had revealed itself to her and she craved more and more. She was going to break his heart with Owen. Owen kept her guessing yet despite his callous surface was a puppy underneath. She wanted to tame him, make him grow and mature. She wanted him to be happy.

in her sleep her expression grew serious worrying Rhys. he reached out gently sifting his fingers through her hair. it was dry, almost brittle. He smiled sadly: Gwen used to take such good care of her hair, conditioner, shampoo, this little moisturising foam thing and never ever would she not put it in. She had to, like a drug addiction or something. Without it, she had once said, she felt unkempt and unprotected. He bought her three for her birthday, all different smells. She had laughed. He missed hearing his girlfirned laugh. There was an ahcing pain within his chest, the sense of losing her but to what? She was still here, she came home to him after everything but there was still a nagging doubt that she was with-holding something from him - a piece of vital information that would either send his world crashing to the ground or set him free. No matter the direction he had to know: Gwen was his life but he couldn't keep living like this.

Ding-ding. Ding-ding. Ding-ding. A soft buzz entered his awareness as Rhys quickly glanced around for the source.

**Owen**.

A male name. One which he did not recognise and it sounded vaguely familiar, as if a far off memory was sparking within him that he couldn't quite grasp. It was like a fractioned dream, an admission he couldn't quite see, couldn't quite hear, yet with no proof and no doubt he knew that she had been lying to him. She had to have been but he didn't want to believe it. Gwen loved him didn't she? After all, if she was likely to go off with anyone it was bloody Jack Harkness wasn't it?

"Hello," Rhys didn't even have time to register the fact he had decided to answer. There was silence on the other end, perhaps a hesitence but he couldn't be sure.

"Oh," the man said. "Um, Gwen was supposed to bring me some files and she appears to have forgotten. I was just ringing to ask for them,"

"For files," Rhys asked.

Owen thought quickly. He wouldn't jepeordise Gwen's relationship with Rhys, not yet at least. He knew she was thinking about it and that was enough for now.

"Yeah, those files are important and I really need them but if she's out I suppose I can wait for a while,"

"It's the middle of the night mate,"

"We start early,"

"It's 3 in the morning,"

"Very," Owen replied tersely. "Listen, it's fine. Just tell her I rang about those files and tell her I need them as soon as possible,"

Owen hung up, taping the phone thoughtfully. Work was going to be fun when they got back in two days...well tomorrow. No one was going in today, as far as he knew after Jack had that hissy fit. What was up with that man anyway?

The nerve.

_God I am sooooooo sorry about this being SOOOOO late. I started writing the chapter AGES ago. So if this is a li_

_ttle short and with typos I apologise but I felt that I just had to get it posted. Exams are really soon but in June I should be writing like a trooper for a while! XDXDXD _

_I will do my best to get the next one up in a few weeks but please don't hold me to it. _

_as always flames and flowers are accepted._


	8. Anger

CONSEQUENCES CHAPTER 8 ANGER

Disclaimer I own not the characters not the lyrics below. (Somewhere I belong by Linkin Park - Meteora)

_and i got nothing to say_

_i can't believe i didn't fall_

_right down on my face_

_looking everywhere only to find i_

_t's not the way I imagined it _

_all in my mind._

_File?_ This guy was calling for files at 3 in the morning? Somehow he just didn't buy it. If they were really swamped then Gwen would be there now not sleeping contentedly beside him. Rhys sighed to himself, resigned to the talks that were ahead of him, the inevitable tantrum and the storming out, the slamming of doors and foriveness when he was entirely sure she deserved it. He loved her. Simple. However, it didn't look like they were about to survive engaged whilst walking over this bed of glass. They were loosing their footing.

Rhys stroked her hair and wondered what he did to deserve such an outstanding lady's affection. Although their relationship had undoubtedly become strained as if he was out in the wilderness somewhere, he still loved everything about Gwen: her smile; her laugh; the way she used to surprise him with romantic meals; the look of delighted shock upon her face as it lit up; the gap between her teeth and her beautiful round eyes. She didn't surprise him with meals anymore though. Just secrets. Just skeletons in the cupboards that were stratching and clawing at the door to escape. He could almost hear them rattling.

She snuffled and he stopped, afraid of waking this sleeping beauty.

**A-N-G-E-R**

Owen sat upon the edge of his bed, phone to his lips and at a loss. Rhythmically he began tapping it against them and considering his position. He sighed to himself resigning to the fact that it was over between him and that Welsh Beauty. It was fun while it lasted but they both knew that road was paved with pits and snakes, and spiders and all sorts of obstacles. They had long sinced discovered that they were better off friends and that fact he said he loved her wasn't fair. He, had also lost his fiance, and to tear them apart would be a travesty. _She_ wouldn't be proud of him for that, and so, no matter how much he convinced himself that Gwen was the one, he knew deep down that she was not. His own emotional state didn't matter much as he would probably just drown in his loneliness with a tasty couple of pints, get just enough sleep to sober up before being called into work.

Torchwood was brilliant and he loved every second, but Owen was also tired. Tired of the constant fighting, the secrets, lies and betrayals. God only knows how Tea boy put up with Jack since he had more than his fare share things to hide. More so, in fact. He didn't want to be alone anymore and he was clinging to the one thing that was familiar and gave him mild excitement.

Owen sighed. He had gotten them all chucked out the HUB and although he complained that it took up all his time he really didn't have anywhere else to go. It was much better to be doing nothing in the company of others, with poeple he knew, than by himself or with girls he picked up from pubs. He was passed that now. He wanted a relationship now matter how shallow or deep it was. To have companionship in the same person for a little while at least seemed like something he'd never achieve no matter how much he wanted it or tried.

Chucking his black phone upon the unmade bed, Owen walked over to his large windows which overlooked the bay. There was a sense of freedom in the blue expanse of water and a tranquility that he would never experience. However the water was unpredictable and could throw up waves in a moments notice, crashing into the wall much like the knocks of life which often devastate its victims.

"Bloody Jack bloody Harkness," Owen snapped. He was so mad at that man right now for so many things. He had forgiven them for betraying him and he just swans off and expects things to be exactly the same as they were before. What gave him the right? What did they know really? That he went with the Doctor and came back? That he was away a while? That he came back for them? Owen sure as hell believed it was guilt or some sort of weird twisted revenge that had Harkness returning to Cardiff after his sudden disappearance. He was punishing them by showing up when they were dealing with his disappearance just fine now. Harkness messed everything up, thinking that he was the only thing in the universe that actually mattered. Owen would have to knock that idea clean out of his head before he would even consider being nice to him again. After all, Jack pried into their lives so much and showed little of his own. he was not a man they could trust.

**A-N-G-E-R**

A man stood outside his own front door and paused scrambling to collect this thoughts. He found the delay strange as he usually remember everything that happened very clearly but put it down to lots of hard work and little rest. He had, after all, been stressed out over the past few weeks - the week prior to the trip, the trip itself, the rushing home and the few days rest they had allowed themselves to recharge. He never thought he'd be so happy to see Welsh rain again.

He opened his door quietly so as to distrub no one despite the fact there was no one in his appartment. He was the only one that stayed there and on occasion he regretted not ammending that, but to ask would surely be too much. He never wanted to scare his somewhat distant lover off. Such a proposal would undoutedly mean a committement he would never be willing to make and the man would find himself alone again. The very word alone brought his world to a hault and a freezing cold would descend upon him. Icy chills would claw at his throat and squeeze the air from his lungs at the thought of being alone. He needs Jack but he needs to be needed more and showing the older man that would push him away. Of that he was terribly sure.

Suddenly he stopped unsure of his surroundings. His mind was half somewhere else, in the distant mists of the previous day. At least, it felt like mucn longer than just the day before, like it was a couple of weeks since he had intended to go to Gethin's. Dropping his keys to the nearest surface he flipped open the laptop, waiting impatiently for it to start up. Several minutes ticked by.

There it was. The date. It had just been one day.

Ianto shook his head. A ringing filled the room and he struggled to locate the source of the noise. With hazy eyes he looked at the device before him as if tryingt o figure out what it was before answering.

"Ianto, where the hell are you?" The voice demanded.

"Gethin?"

"Yeah. Who else Dumbo! You promised the kids remember?"

"Oh...yeah...sorry," Did he? Of course he did. now he remembered driving to Gethin's then opening his front door. What happened inbetween. Then a memory flared into life, like car lights in the dark. Silly him. He had forgotten the gifts.

"You promised! They hardly see you enough as it is and now you randomly forget?" The voice softens. "That's not like you. Are you sure you're OK?"

Ianto thought about it for a moment. He felt fine. The fuzziness of his head was strange, but no, that was gone and there was no sickness, no nausea, no pain, no nothing. He was fine.

"I feel fine,"

"Ianto..." Warned Gethin.

"Seriously. I'll be right over,"

Ianto ended the conversation by snapping his phone shut. All he had to do know was get those presents from his bed room. They were taking up most of the spare cupboard he had. He couldn't wait to see their faces. All grins and giggles. They would love the packaging alone.

There was that word again. Haunting him wherever he went, following like an evil puppy hellbent on his suffering and misery. Jack had eased the loneliness but not now. Now he was the cause of it and he resented him for that. Jack had pushed him away with his lies of love and need. Want? Definately. But the Captain can't always get what he wants now can he? Just another way back into his pants. Not this time. Besides, he just admitted love for the Doctor. How could he love them both? It wasn't something that he could understand. Jack's ideaologies were vastly different from his own and that made their relationship, for lack of a better word, so difficult. But he came back for him...didn't he? Ianto shook his head. He couldn't think about this now. If he did, he'd just get confused and hurt and he'd never make it to Gethin's.

The presents weren't there.

Now he was definately certain that was where he had placed the eight boxes. He would get into trouble from his brother for spoiling them so but their bright little smiles and ringing laughter were well worth the time and effort. He had spent a lot of spare time trying to get these presents for the little ones. No one had even batted an eyelid when he took more time off whilst Jack was away. There wasn't so much to keep him at Torchwood anymore. Ianto searched under his bed, in every crevasse and every corner of his flat. Nothing. He sighed, disappointed for the children and left his flat.

The presents were in the back seat of the car, right where he had left them.

**A-N-G-E-R**

Jack Harkness was truly an amazing being. He never gave up. Even when there was little hope left he kept going, determined to fufil his purpose, for as long as he could. If he didn't have a purpose, he fell apart. Lilith could see that now.

He was intruiging. Even now, after such pain and orment he was fighting. Lesser men would have perished long before reaching this point. mentally he still appeared together and sound. It was his emotions that were of concern. Ianto's rejection had been quite a blow to the human. If the young lad didn't see sense soon, she feared for Jack's sanity.

Lilith stood at the door watching him in his slumber. Eventually he had settled. Even now, he was restless, dirturbed by the pictures he saw in his dreams. She could tell it was the hurt and pain from Ianto that was running through his head. He was far to easy to read at the moment and that worried her. The skies were rarely safe for long and having the Defender of Earth this vulnerable would be the downfall of them all. She liked this planet despite its prejudices. Still, there were those that would wish to destroy it due to it's innocence, it's ignorance and also its arrogance.

Watch the skies. She had been told that from a young age for very different reasons. The atmosphere in her world had made for spectacular displays of colour. It was only when they recieved hints and whispers of a Universal threat that they broke their own laws, kept their eyes to the stars at all times, kept communications firmly open. They always had liked to be isolated, but plight such as this meant they had to assist where ever they could. And so would help here to. He was awake. His breathing had quickened, deep breaths and was still once more.

"You need to open up, my friend,"

"Can't,"

"Won't. You shouldn't fear what they might think. Don't tell them something truly horrible but where you were brought up. When. Why you behave the way you do."

Jack shook his head. "It will just lead to more questions I cannot answer. They'll still resent me,"

"They might let it go," She replied. Walking slowly. "I've been studying Human psycology for a while now. You need to give a little to get a little. They'll resent you more for clamming up,"

Jack shuffled a little away from her under the pretence of giving her more space. She just looked at him and smiled knowingly. Sometimes he really hated her ability. "I wish you couldn't do that,"

"No you don't. Besides, your heart rate is far to fast for someone comfortable with the situation,"

Jack just made a noise with could be discerned that he agreed and didn't like it, or didn't have an aswer at all. Either way, he wasn't going to escape this conversation.

"Ah!" Lilith said standing up. She rummaged around a drawer and pulled about a tube and a tub of something. The cases were pink in the same colour and she set about apologising. She would love to transfer them but all the blue ones were being used. The items weren't large as such but they were full and she opened the tub to display the contents. "This is similar to what I used on you but more potent. Side effects I believe are a strong tingling sensation but I'm fairly certain it will sting on humans. Apply on once a day to lacerations, no matter how deep. _Only_ once a day Jack,"

Jack nodded smiling his thanks. He had been complaining about how many scrapes his team got into.

"This. Well technically speaking I should not be giving you this. It is injected into the blood stream - I made a friend quadruple check it was human friendly - and identifies the area of complication. It stays in the area with the fault and remains there for three days. It shows up on most scanners." Lilith handed him the next package.

"You're too kind,"

"I know," She said. It had led her to be robbed after all. "Here, let me tend to your injuries,"

Ten minutes later Jack was easing himself from the cosy warm bed to venture back into the big bad world. He was itching to get outside deciding that this room was decidely too lilac to stay in a moment longer. he knew that he'd be checking in with his old friend quite a lot recently but she wouldn't press him. Although she was aware something horrible had happened she didn't know what. He could share wih no fear of another knowing his secrets. She would never tell unless forced or it was vital that she did. It was the one security that he had in this world.

"Just be careful. You never know who's watching," The Devils are inside the walls and all that. Yes. He knew.

In his pockets were the girts she had given him. They would be useful. Torchwood got into far too many scrapes. Jack's only concern was fooling Owen into believing; the Doctor was very particular about medicine, it's origins and what it did. He would have to think of something more plausible than a half baked story quickly shoved from his lips to placate.

Lilith hovered behind. She had an idea. "A gift may help,"

Jack turned and raised an eyebrow. Presents could go down either way.

Lilith tilted her head. "Carefully chosen, something small, not extravagent."

"What? Like a ring?" Jack asked skeptical. No. Rings were pretty important.

"Rings are symbolic in your culture yes?" she asked waiting for the confirmation. She smiled to herself happy that she was progressing well in her knowledge of humans. "It could work, depending on how you present it. Does he wear any?"

Jack shook his head. "He wears a chain...sometimes. His ear is pierced as well but I've never seen him wear anything in it," He fought back the onslaught of a flashback. Images slipped through, his eyes half seeing the alien before him, half seeing another.

_Needles pressed into vains. He wasn't quite with it. Jack struggled to awareness, each time being knocked back by the drug coursing through his vains. _

_Something scraped across sensitive flesh._

_Jerking. Flinching. Pulling away._

_"It's only going to sting...for about an hour," Said a soft voice betraying the words. It was worse than a sneering one, a vicious one. It was too calm and gentle. Blue eyes swivelled around unable to locate the source. It was nowhere and everwhere. Ecompasing. Something sharper, thicker, wider pressed into him, breaking skin on his arm. His thigh attacked, blood trickling down his leg as the thing buried itself deeper inside. Muscles cramped, spasms as he tried to fight the effects of the drug. Laughing could be heard. Suddenly eyes appeared before his, so close. He could feel a hot breath upon his face, a hand gripping his. He couldn't escape._

_This was reality. this was forever. This, was his hell, his purgatory, his test._

"JAMES!"

Jack startled aware of being hunched, his arms pressed close to his body in a defensive position. He could not see Lility, he could not see anything. The Valiant still warpped around his reality, his presence within it. He knew it wasn't right. He was on the Valiant he could not be. Jack shook his head. "Sorry," He said quietly.

"This happen often?"

Jack shook his head. It wasn't like he would have told her ever. Some things he kept to himself, especially when it concerned his sanity. No one liked people to know or think they were losing mental capabilities.

There was no chagne in heart rate, the aura the same, no sweat that couldn't be explained by the flashback. Yes, now would be an ideal time to lie to her but she had to trust him. If she didn't, then he'd pull away faster and deeper into himself than he was retreating now.

"A chain then," Lilith said deciding the man needed distracting. "Tel you what, come to my shop and I'll let you have a look, but I'd like to go over my files. I've had people hanging around,"

Jack nodded. It was understandable that she would get nervous. "I'll set up a time,"

Lilith smiled. "Great! I tell Alice you not paying,"

He almost asked if she was OK because she was talking weird. Nah. Everyone was allowed to slip every once in a while. "that's really not..."

"Nonsense. You are my best friend," So simple.

Jack approached the alien hoping she would ignore the fraily of his grip, the slight tremor in his hand. "You need the cash,"

She sank into the nearest chair (thankfully not a shade of pink or puprle but a blue, he noticed. What was the obssession with the colours anyway? Was it because naturally she blended in?) "How did you know?

"Me?" Jack put on an innocenct, yet smug expression - something she thought, only he could ever pull off. "I know everything!" He exclaimed proudly.

"What's my full name?" It was such an innocent and sneaky question, an the immortal remained stumped. It had been so long since he had used it. He sat down grumpily.

"That's cheating," he muttered.

"I suppose it is,"

Jack sighed. "I keep an eye on you as well. It's my job,"

Lilith looked straight into Jack's eyes. her hazel eyes were warm. Blonde strands fell over them. "You just don't want me to get a new toy boy," She teashed.

That was it!

"You Lils, are a genius,"

"Mecigato, " She replied as the English language slipped from her mind.

"Don't mention it," Jack said distractedly. He had a mission upon his hands. Yes, a gift. A different explanation. A talk. Ianto would listen to his words, understand and forgive. Simple! "I'll drop by later,"

Jack was out the door before Lilith could open her mouth.

**A-N-G-E-R**

Toshiko opened her eyes to a brightly lit room. The sun was streaming through her tilted blinds and onto her face. She bolted up right believing herself to be late for work before she remembered the incident of the day before. She sighed sad things had turned out to be so complicated and twisted. However, part of her still felt that Jack deserved anger and reproach but unlike the rest of them she would not let it interfere with their job. They had far too much as stake. Was the world to suffer because the people defending it had a tiff? How ridiculous was that?

For once in her life Toshiko Sato decided to enter the Hub late, slipping in and out just to check that nothing had collapsed whilst she was gone. Just a few minutes and then she'd go shopping. Yes. It sounded like a plan.

Waffles for breakfast, an unusual choice she knew, but this was her first day off in... well years. She rarely took any except at Christmas. Things were always gonig wrong at Christmas and so she usually cancelled. it didn't matter much anymore. She only went to visit her family in Japan and they were gone now. Tosh picked up her mug of instant, smiling as she imagined Ianto's look of horror. "Sorry Yan but Instant I happen to like," she said. It was better than nothing anyway.

She indulged in a short skirt, stoping about two inches above the knee, navy in colour. Her top a faded pink hung on her shoulders, daring to slip off. The wide neck allowed for her clavical to show as well as her pendant Owen had given her once for Christmas. The cocky man had been happy that year. Her high heeled shoes clicked on the tiles before she was out the door. 10pm and it would take her about 40 minutes to get to the Hub.

For once, she was going to take Jack's offer of a free day. For once, she was going to partake in a small act of rebellion (she vowed to never allow an occurance of last time) and do the opposite of what was expected.


	9. Shopping and Presents

Consequences 9

same as before

disclaimer: never owned it never will. don't want to cause lets be honest, I'd probably ruin it :P lyrics are linkin Park from Meteora. The song title escapes me I'm afraid. appologies.

a/n is anyone actually reading this?? Anyway this is a two parter. Things should get more interesting soon...

_I am, what I want you to want,_

_What I want you to feel,_

_It seems not matter what I do_

_I can't convince you, just to believe this is real._

**Shopping and presents**

The weather was much fairer than before. The sun was peaking out from behind the coulds, its rays creating golden pools of liquid upon the street. It was the first time in a while that the star graced Wales with it's presence. It had been far too long, leaving the citizens of the small country wondering if it had abandoned then to rain and gale. Alas, it was not true and the temperatures rose as did peoples spritis. Today was to be a good day. They could feel it. For one, they could actually risk leaving their umbrellas at home and venture out int the world wearing only a light jacket for protection.

His return to the Hub had been a quick one, merely to shower, change and check that the appcolypse wasn't imminent. He had hooked all he could into his wrist strap. He was well prepared for the nutorious random spikes that the Rift liked to surprise them with when things were going smoothly. He was comforted by the fact Toshiko and Ianto would most definately be in. They never took a day off, and hardly ever listened to him when he said to come in late or go home early. It was a struggle sometimes to get them to leave. Sometimes he worried about their health. It was no wonder that Ianto was so pale, preferring to spend most of his time in the archives. Come to think of it, he had developed a pleasing light tan. He had read a few reports too - the Welshman was getting out into the field more and he had now idea how he felt about that. On the one hand he was gaining experience and becoming intigrated within the team. On the other it meant that he was far more likely to lose him.

Owen and Gwen would not even go near the hub: they were always the first ones out the door.

An image flashed in his mind. Owen, the only team member not to be caught by the Master, bleeding, running. The scene ended as abruptly is it began but Jack stood shaken by the grainy images. Slowly he regained a grip on reality, escaping his prison in the Engine room. It was another painful memory that was floating around his head. The Master had unlodged all the he strove to forget making Jack's work twice as difficult. So many things he didn't want to remember, so many he wished to forget.

_'It's like you chose a life of misery'_

"Stop it!" Jack muttered shaking the voice from his head. He was not going to break down in the middle of the Plass for the whole world to see. He had told the Dodctor he was fine, well enough to return home and he endeavoured for that to be true. It however was not. All he had wanted was the gentle but firm insistance that he wasn't going to deal with it alone. Oh. Jack remembered he had convinced the Doctor that Ianto at least would provide some sort of comfort. But how could he possibly understand his anguish? The offer to stay, he knew, was one of compulsion, the raging desire to stave off the loneliness for a little while longer. So deseperate, in fact, the Doctor had been willing to inflict the wrongness of a slut, a freak upon himself and his precious TARDIS. He'd cause them both pain just to have company. But that relief, Jack knew would turn to bitter resetnment. He was alive when he should not. Many others deserved to be alive more than he. It wasn't a true invitation, it had never occured to Jack that it might have been. For he knew the truth when the light of relief filtered into the alien's eyes. It had been a false offer and that's what hurt. _'Cause just looking at you Jack. You're wrong. A fact.'_ The man he adored whorshipped and looked up to for guidance and instruction had to _force_ himself to look at him. It burned Jack to the bone. He wasn't the same alien he fell for way back when - still the Doctor but different. The love was still there was it would be forever. Jack doubted very much that anything could take that away but the Doctor had hurt him to the soul. They weren't the same peple anymore. Jack didn't regret his change - he was a much better person than he ever had been. Still, the offer had not been genuine.

Jack glanced at his watch nothing he had plenty of time to shop and pick out the perfect gift for the Welshman. The sense of peace he gave him was so strong that he could not let him go. He needed Ianto more than he cared to admit.

There were a few people missing around the store when he got there and it was clear why Lilith was struggling for business. A new sign was up in thew indow stating that any psychic readings were for entertainment only. It made her sound werid and slightly unstable. Those in charge clearly had not met the little girl who told him when he would see the Doctor again a century ago. Now she really was something strange and unusual.

"The road is long before you may find what you seek,"

Jack started t urnign to stare at the same alien he was thinking of mere milli seconds previously. "What?"

"The water is deep and you will find yourself treading water before making a decision." She replied before leaving Jack in a confused state. He really did not like their cryptic clues and ability to appear out of nowhere. They were an uncanny bunch.

Jack wandered around the shop. It had been years since he had stepped into his friend's establishment. Trinkets lined the walls. Orbs and paperweights were close together daring customers to get confused. Amulets, good lucks charms and tokens of love and protection lined one wall clearly labelled. Gems and cystals like Amethyst, Rose Quartz. Onyx and Amber told him they all had a specific meaning. He had no idea what he wanted to get now, befuddled by the choice. Plus it wasn't like he was buying for a woman; females are always infamously easier to by for than males. What do you get a... lover with whom you've only been intimate on occasion, want more, but have no idea how to ask and they are more than a little annoyed at you? Stupid rules.

"I have no idea what to get," He said as the shop owner came up to him.

"A simple stone might work. They come with an inscription of the properties, their function, their specific qualities. Is he spiritual?"

"In our job?"

"I suppose not," Lilith replied. "Why don't you look at the stone properties and decide which you would like to give to him and perhaps it could be in a design rather than a refined or rough cut stone. Or both?" her dress swished around her knees. Today it was a powder blue with plats. It was a simple design as was the colour which was ironic: Lilith was anything but simple, but Jack supposed compared to some people she was very easy to understand.

Jack had understimated the amount of time it would take him to read through everything - and re-read. It wasn't a simple task but he hadn't expected to be agonising over it. Now, he found himself wanting it to fit Ianto, the gift to be perfect. He didn't want to mess this up. Deep down perhaps a part of him knew that he'd never get it right because he didn't know the young man quite as well as he should but that would never stop him trying. It was the thought that counts...right? Several hours later after Jack had decided, Lilith had popped back every so often but it seemed that the young (or old) alien girl that was phenomonal at card reading was an important customer, friend or ally. Although the innocent look, darkness exuded from her. Perhaps it was the setting in which he had first met her that made him think this way?

Jack jumped when she spoke from behind him. He had gotten so engrossed with his task, at peace within the strange shop that he had let his guard down. This was a reminder that danger lurked even in the friendliest of places.

"Have you decided?" She asked softly.

Jack nodded.

"Got a design in mind?"

Jack nodded again, smiling the first genuine smile for a year despite how small it was or how quickly it would be wiped off, Jack was happy that he still remembered how.

Lilith clapped her hands excitedly. "Brilliant!" she exclaimed as she dragged him away to choose his preferred box, wrapping and whether glitter and other accessories were going to be required.

For once it was sunny and Ianto knew he was in for trouble with the kids he was about to see. They were hyperactive and now annoyed that he hadn't arrived when he said he would. Ianto sighed. Today was going to be a long day and hopefully not too painful. He loved the twins, he really did but they were 5 years old and a little wearing when you had been working extrememly long hours and gotten little sleep. It couldn't be helped. They were a member down after all, forcing the Tea boy out into the field. No doubt he would be forced back into the archives. No one really cared about what he did or thought anyway. He was the closest to Jack so they listened. Well the rest listened. Gwen just did what she thought anyway. There was no getting in her way when she had decided something. She and Jack were as bad as each other - perhaps they should be together, not them.

Ianto shook his head annoyed. It was no use thinking about that now. Now was a time for laughing or put up with over sympathetic relations and tough love from Gethin. Torchwood, and more importantly Jack, did not run his life.

"Yanyo!" Exclaimed two squeaky voices as they ran through the garden to greet him. Quickly kneeling grimaced at the grass stains he was going to get in his suit, and swallowed them. Two seconds later he had two armfulls of small child and an older brother staring down at them smiling undulgently. "You didn't come Yanyo! Why didn't you come? Did you forget about us?" the last part was whispered in a frailty only a child could manage. It broke Ianto's heart to hear the words that had been running through his own this past day. Stop it! he scolded himself.

"Stop?" asked one, confused.

Ianto shook his head. "No Ariene. Uncle's just losing his mind. That's all,"

"Does that mean when we see you we have to go to those hopital wards?" The other asked inciting a chuckle from their father.

"Rhiannon be kind," He chastised gently. She was every bit like her mother, and the Godess Rhiannon who apparently spoke her mind outright and often wittily. She was going to grow up to be a proper fire cracker. "Come on! Inside with you!"

"But Yanyo hasn't said sowee yet!" Rhiannon replied indignatly whilst the other just asked if he had brought presents.

Ianto cut in immediately, appologising for the delay as his knees were getting quite sore. "Listen to your tad!" he exclaimed giving them a small push in the direction of the house.

Gethin fell into step with him. "A suit? Really? What happened to the tight jeans and..." Gethin paused for dramatic effect. "the belt?"

Ianto smiled and shook his head. "In the past. I wear suits now," He said simply.

Gethin put his hands on his hips. "Well this is a far cry from the rebellion I remember. As I recall you used to love those weird concerts,"

Ianto gave his big brother a look. "It was Goth/Emo. What did you expect?" Carefully they removed the packages from the vehicle, the girls waiting impatiently at the door, calling them to hurry up. "Impatient," He commented simply.

"They only love you for the presents," Gethin joked but at times, Ianto felt as though people only loved him for his coffee. Well, it was _the _best coffee around after all, but it still hurt. "OI!" Gethin called to Rhiannon. "It took me ages to put that pony up! No ice cream!"

The dark haired girl pouted, her hair falling on her shoulders neatly. It would only be a matter of time before it got tangled into knots and she was wriggling and squirming in the chair complaining. "But Tad!" She complained. Her bottom lip was jutting out in her signature pout from which she learned she could get almost anything.

"Why does she have to do that," Gethin muttered trying not to relent.

"It's your kind nature you big softie," Ianto teased sending him a smile his way. He was the same way, just like Jack was when he smiled softly and raised his eyebrow. No! He wasn't going to think about Jack. Not Jack who didn't love him. At least, not in the way he so desperately wanted him to.

"They are little terrors," Gethin replied oblivious to Ianto's ongoing struggle with his mind. What was it about Jack Harkness that created obssessions, that was so consuming?

The twins pounced on Ianto and himself when they finally arrived with the presetns. "If you don't sit down adn behave Uncle Ianto will take them back to the shop!" He threatened in his best firm voice.

"No he won't!" Countered Rhiannon with her tiny hands on her equally small hips.

Gehtin and Ianto looked at each other before nodding and turning back into the hall.

"Rhia!" groaned Ariene who was now sitting and waiting patiently. You could almost see the figurative halo above her head, her pink dress splayed out on the old couch. Rhiannon then dashed up to them, grabbed a hold of Ianto's leg and refused to let go.

Ianto lifted his limb. "When did you get so heavy?" Ianto asked incredulously. This was awful. He was being defeated by a 5 year old girl with unruly hair.

Gethin sighed getting annoyed. He never yelled, shouted or bellowed. He sighed. "Right! No ice creram _and_ early to bed!" He declared. Rhiannon looked suitabely abashed adn slouched next to Ariene until her father glared. Promtly she sat up and smiled sweetly.

Ianto rolled his eyes affectionately. "Dunno how you do it," He muttered.

Gethin chuckled. "Me neither," he replied before dishin out the first presents. "What do you say?" He reminded them just as they were about to rip open the paper.

riene gazed down at the box as if seeing it for the first time. "Pretty Paper," she murmered, now reluctant to open it. Carfully as her simple child mind would allow, to prevent damage to the sparly pink paper she slowly revealed her present. She grinned at her sister's similar lilac paper and frowned at the mess as well as the present. _She_ hadn't wanted it. _She _never even mentioned it. Why was Rhiannon getting the present she so greatly desired having asked for it repeatedly during the past year?

"Thank you," Said the girl in the jeans, giving Ianto a curtesty hug.

"You are welcome Nonny,"

An immediate thud landed on the side of his head before a scolding face looked at his amused one. "Don't call me Nonny!" She cried angrily.

"You did mind before," He reminded her calmly.

"I was Three!" She yelled as if that was a lifetime ago. At the same time ARiene squaled delightedly at receiving the very same barbie as her sister. She launched herself at her Uncle giggling all the while

"Enough of that young lady. Uncle Ianto got here when he could." Gethin scolded despite agreeting. his brother worked in a tourist office and was too busy to see his nieces?

!I'm sorry," Ianto softly said. "Life...got complicated."

"You didn't phone! No visit!" Rhianon yelled working herself into a state. ARiend stared at her wide eyed before bursting into tears.

Ianto rocked the young girl back and forth. "No sweetheart. Don't cry," He soothed, making gently cooing oises. "I'll try harder."

"Promie!" Hiccuped Rhiannon.

Ianto sighed. there was no way he'd be able to keep his one. It wasn't like swearing never to betray Torchwood or Jack again. Fe felt saddened by the lie he'd have to tell and the promise he'd have to break. He'd forget to visit just like before.

"You have to!" Rhiannon declared, betrayal written on her face.

_Did mine look like that when Jack came back? When he left? When they shot Lisa?_ He wondered absently. Not for the first time Ianto Jones silently asked why the world couldn't run on child like simplicity. He took a deep breath knowing he'd regret his next sentence as they would take this to mean he would visit more often. "I promise,"

Ariene's face lit up. "Yay!" She exclaimed rewarding him with a delicate kiss to the cheek. "Presents?" She added innocently.

"Let's see what I got you then!" Ianto cried dishin out more coloured coded gifts.


	10. Shopping and Plotting

Consquences of War Chapter 9 Part 2

Title: Shopping and Plotting

Summary: A look at what Tosh and Owen

Disclaimer: don't own TW never will. No infringement intended. entertainment value intended only.

A/N shorter one and the ingredients for trouble are being put in the cauldron. :D Review please!!!!! **Thanks to Outlaw of Sherwood for her nudges. This is dedicated to you. Thanks also to Heidi Gunter for your inspiring review. This chapter is for you also. On another note the next two chapters have been written and I have a plan for the next few as well. Appologies for the laaaatttte update and it took me so long to get my computer to read this disc that I was beginning to despair and thought this chapter would have to be excluded. But it worked so it's all good XDXD**

One long distance phone call later, Toshiko was driving to the Hub in her normal small car. Unlike Owen she didn't go for the flashy sports cars preferring a more subtle inconspicous vehicle. Owen always did like to draw attention to himself. Perhaps it was something that Torchwood cultivated. He would always complain about her modest transport when she was kind enough to fetch him the morning after he got so drunk that his hangover impared him to the point where he could not drive or do much of anything. Painkillers and coffee were always his first order - that's if Ianto hadn't managed to have it out already. Mind you, Owen usually complained that it wasn't hot enough and Ianto would be forced to make more if only to shut the medical officer up.

The cog door rolled open and Tosh was surprised to rind only Myfanwy there to greet her with a loud squawk. The leathery creature swooped low, circled and left again. Of course, no one was here to feed her. Ianto surefly would come in. A quick check of the CTV informed her not even Jack was present in the Hub and in his haste to leave had forgotten to feed their permanent guests. She wondered for a moment about the look of determination he wore, or why he was in a sudden rush to leave. It was strange to think of him having anything outside Torchwood, whether it was knowing someone, or doing something. He was always here. Well, besides his sudden and not so mysterious departure. They still didn't really know why he left though. Tosh shook her head to clear her thoughts. For a moment she considered not feeding them. It wasn't her job to do so but it wasn't fair to punish them for Jack's mistakes or the fact that Ianto seemed to be actually taking the day off. That alone was enough to stun her. That Welshman _never_ took a day off. She sighed to herself resigning to the fact that she would have to and hoped the pteradon wasn't fussy today.

Surprisingly any rift activity was frequent and small spikes suggesting stability. If it had been flat she would have been more concerned: something always goes horrically wrong when that happens. However it seemed that they were being granted some much needed down time. Thank goodness.

**S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G__A-N-D__P-L-O-T-T-I-N-G**

Elegant legs emerged first from the car catchin atention of nearly every male (and quite a few females) in the vicinity. Tosh smiled shyly at the attention, momentarily lossing her footing. Strong but slender arms caught her, a warm, gentle smile gleamed at her for lucious lips.

"Thank you,"

The hazel eyes sparkled. "No problem," What was surprising was that those arms belonged to a woman. A bulge of the biceps supported the theory of vigorous but not overly strenous excercise and possibly a good diet. Such a strong will power and determination had to be admired thought Toshiko. For she herself, before Torchwood had often failed to shed those pounds no matter how strong the desire. "You look hungry. I was just about to grab a bite to eat. Care to join me?"

Tosh stared wide eyed in shock. No one _ever_ just sees her and asks her out. The last time that had happened she had let an alien into Torchwood, spied upon her friends and betrayed Jack for the first time. There was no desire or temptation to do such a thing again. It was too much of a coincidence to let it happen again. Besides there was no harm in having a little fun was there? Nothing wrong with meeting a stranger and becoming friends. Happens all the time.

"Yes," Tosh timidly agreed. "Yes," she finalised in a stronger voice.

The woman's eyes lit up shining in the sunshine. Her blond hair swished as she nodded happily, leading Tsh to the quaint little caf­é two streets away with tiny intimate little tables with scented candles in the middle. The candles, a pale vanilla were twisted giving an interesting shape and interest to them. The wicks were a little too long. Lace covered the table with the occasion stain or smudge. Head waiter could be seen tsking the sloppiness of others and the lack of dilligence from staff to make sure that all tables were presentable. Whilst Toshiko eagerly took in her surroundings she never noticed the shimmer of her new friend's skin but did think of how rare it was to see, never mind meet, a brown eyed blonde.

**S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G__A-N-D__P-L-O-T-T-I-N-G**

Owen daren't phone Gwen again unless he really had to. Already he was bored, sitting mindlessly upon his queen sized bed amongst the crumpled covers. By now he'd usually be chatting away to Gwen at work, occasionally with Tosh who mostly shushed them. The humming of computers, the constant tapping of keys and often a click of the mouse. Owen shook his head disgustedly. This reminscing was getting too sentimental for his liking.

He had been going over the incident which had gotten them all chucked out of the Hub for the day. It wasn't the fact that Harkness had gotten so annoye over it, the shock came from actually being sent out of the Hub. It was the complete and total reverse of what Harkness usually would have done. Still, he was unable to determine exactly where he went wrong. Not doing the report had been intended to antagonise not infuriate. Owen had never known it could be so easy. Harkness had never reacted in such extremes before now. But Owen was too annoyed to look past and see the truth. His reaction was to think Jack was just mounting his high horse again trying to trample all over them. Well, not this time. Of that Owen was most determined. This time, Team Torchwood would be trampling all over _him._

Angrily shaking he stalked to his bathroom, striped and put the shower on. As the water fell upon his lean and only slightly toned torso, he had a flash of inspiration. Work to Rule. Genius. As their job was so odd, there was enormous amounts of overlapping and so with everyone working to the letter in the contracts nothing would ever get done. And Jack would get the blame. That would make that lying, abandoning fake appologize properly. He'd have to rope in the others.

Twently minutes later (inlcuding getting soap in his eyes) Owen emerged bleerily from the shower and dressed in what he considered his best 'pulling' outfit. Hair discreetly jelled and with a determined smile grabbed his keys and exited his appartment. It was 4pm and he headed straight to the local pub. It was two hours before he got chucked on his ass due to hitting on all the females that moved but as it were, his antics had captured the attention of a young woman looking for some early company. He found himself pulled into a passionate kiss, a hand ghosting over his backside. Quickly he was pulling her into an alleyway, gasping when her hand rested upon the bulge at his groin. It took little effort to get Owen or the young woman greatly aroused. Mere minutes after the initial encounter his pants were down, her skirt lifted up.

"Again?" She asked after they had come down from their pleasure high, caressing his biceps and tickling his thigh. A kiss was her answer.

The night continued this way for a long time. As the hours slipped by and he became progressively more drunk, Owen's determination to arrive at work with a severe hangover did not waver. Past experience told him that he was be an unsufferable nusiance but Jack would bare him because it would be worse the work in his self made condition. It was a good price to pay. Tomorrow was going to be hell for everyone but there was only one intended victim and nothing, nothing was going to stop him from torturing the abandoner endlessly. Did he consider them so insignificant that he could just drop them like a sack of potatoes for something bigger and better? No Way. Jack had to realise appreciate all of them. Not just the tea boy for the extra curricular activies. He did _not_ want to go into that. Owen Harper certainly had an idea of how he was going to make _Captain Jack Harkness's_ life a misery. A very good idea indeed.

A/N End not as I intended it because this wasn't fully recovered but not much was lost.


	11. Tiring

_**Consequences of War chapter Ten**_

_**Disclaimer - Don't own Torchwood.**_

Ariene and Rhiannon were less than pleasant when it was time to put them down to bed that night. Ianto was sitting in the living room, perched on the end of the sofa wondering how he was going to manage to persuade his brother that he had to leave now. Knowing Gethin he'd force him to stay until morning and Ianto would be subjected to checkups for a couple of hours to make sure he's still in the building. They were always worrying about him leaving at a drop of a hat since they hardly ever saw him. Still, he'd have to set his phone alarm to wake him in a couple of hours and sneak out then, first leaving a note. Ianto hated doing that. Sometimes he wished he could tell his family. The selfish inclination to share the horrors was always quashed when he remembered the tragedy, the hardship and the pain that went along with even just knowing about Torchwood. The mere knowledge of the secret organisatation - except to those resident in Cardiff - ruined people's lives. It was only a word but it deserved fear and respect.

Ariene and Rhiannon had loved their presents. They had giggled and laughed gleefully, while Ianto felt uncharacteristically drained for a little while. AFter it had settled down he shrugged figuring it was just one of those things that happened every once in a while like dialing the wrong number or reflux.

They had become increasingly unruly towards the end of the evening. Too much ice cream had made them over exciteable and now that Ianto reflected upon it, he hadn't realised how much he had missed his only remaining family at that point. He never spoke of them for fear of making them real, noticed and subject to change and death. it made him feel like he was protecting them somehow. he told them nothing, and told no one else of them. It had worked so far.

Rhiannon had shouted, cried and pouted when told she had to go to sleep now. "I don't wanna!" She had cried, stamping her little feet against the carpet and running around the sofa in the futile denial of the inevitable. Many times she stood defiant before her father, hoping to get her own way but usually never in front of her uncle. It was always such a treat to see him that the girls behaved, but not today. They were too annoyed with him for broken promises and shattered hopes.

Ianto lowered his head to his hands. His line had thought brought him to his own problems. To his own very real shattered hopes that hurt more than those of a six year old could. It was amazing how difficulties appeared just as important to someone so young. It took years to learn the difference and then we deny never having done something so selfish. Children are selfish by nature. You have to teach them not to be. At least, that's always what Tad had taught them. Tad had been a very wise man before he died. Before the cancer claimed his body and forced him to make a difficult decision. It had affected everyone in the family. The clock ticked on the ornamental mantle piece. Gethin daren't light it now that the children could move about and an incident with the fire guard strenghtened his resolve not to light it until the children were much much older. It had taught Rihannon however, that sometimes her father was right and she was not. It was in fact the incident that lead her to question things. The 'why' factor had to be known in every situation. Gethin teased Ianto that she got it from him. But truthfully, she didn't spend eough time with him for this to be so.

Ianto himself had to learn to question when it came to Jack and not accept things so blindly. He had done his time of being the bit on the side and it was killing him. He wanted more, or nothing. A weight plummeted to the bottom of his stomach. He would never get more. Jack Harkness wasn't the type to commit or to _need_. '_Yet he had needed his Doctor'_ a nasty voice of insecurity and malice whispered within. He could never ever compete with someone as great as Torchwood's number one enemy. It just made Ianto envy and dislike the alien but knew in his heart this Doctor must be a good guy. Jack would never leave for someone cruel, hateful and violent. He didn't have to like it but he had to accept that. Otherwise he'd be eating himself up inside. Ianto didn't want that to consume him.

"Come one. The spare room is ready," Gethin surprised him by appearing before him silently, talking loudly and gesturing down the hall.

Ianto narrowed his eyes. "You don't have a spare room anymore. You gave it to Ariene,"

Gethin chuckled. "Well they got too big for their boots so they are back together in the same room again. Bunk beds," He added wickedly. While he could laugh about it now, it was not funny having one of them shout at him at the top of their lungs at 6 o'clock and various other times to help them out of bed. One time he had been in the shower, and Rhiannon had refused to let him help her in fear of being dropped by slightly moist hands. Then she complained she had to wait another ten minutes for his hair to dry and missed some of her favourite TV show. There was no winnning with them.

"I can't stay," he tried.

Gethin frowned. Ianto was sure like Gandalf there should be black clouds rumbling above his head from the vibes he was getting. "Ianto Jones, you never visit, you always make excuses, if we do talk to you it's a five minute phone call with a suspicious ending. You say that you miss them but never make the time. Anytime you do visit it's bearing gifts to hopefully ease your suffering so they forget that they haven't seen you in months. Wait until they are older Ianto. You won't be able to buy them then!"

They had had this arguement before. Their relationship although strong at times was feeble to the point of breaking at others. They had been strained for some time now. But family was family. That was mother. She believed in sticking with each other through thick and thin - no matter what. Life had taught Ianto that that wasn't at all possible. Sometimes you just had to let go. It was that or be dragged down too.

His work was so important and he couldn't share it with anyone but Jack or Tosh. Even then, what did he and Jack talk about unless it was comfort through the times when one or both couldn't cope? And Tosh? He didn't like to upset her with his dreams of being eaten alive and then or watching the life being sucked out of everyone he loved. Or the terrible memory of Owen shooting Jack. He was haunted be guilt for not being there while Tad died, or when Man slowly gave up from grief. Gethin had never forgiven him for being unreachable. Torchwood One didn't allow families. If he had so muched as called them they would have been retconned or worse. Even now, no one knew he was here. It was against protocols and Jack would be livid because if something happened, and he was unaccounted for....

_'They'd just think I was invovled somehow,'_ Ianto blinked. Where had that come from? He knew, definately after struggling along in Jack's absence that they would not automatically jump to such a conclusion. Even he and Owen had become amicable.

Ianto opened his mouth and his brother crossed his arms and leaned back slightly. Ianto had classed this as his 'I'm in a pissy mood' pose. He did it almost every time. Predictability was comforting. At one point he had found routines to be his haven, but being an active member in the team and spurred a like for adrenalin. Even so, discerning an escape route from a cell wasn't his idea of a fun time. "My boss hasn't granted me leave that covers tomorrow. I need to be back to shower, get changed, set up the office, make sure it's clean, tidy, the plants are watered, check e-mails,"

"E-mails?" Gethin questioned. "A tourist office gets e-mails?" He asked skeptically.

Now it was Ianto's turn to be predictable. Hands on his hips, he resisted the urge to sigh. Gethin almost smirked. It was Ianto's huffy 'just listen and accept what I'm saying' stance. Oh no. Ianto Jones didn't pose. The thought of him in a pose was amusing.

"Just an idea. We're seeing how things go. People E-mail questions, naturally on things in Cardiff, and sometimes Wales in general and receive directional advice and brief history notes."

"What a joke! You're just making it up!" Gethin yelled. He was tired of the excuses. If Ianto didn't want to see them he should just say and drop the pretences. "What's more important than your own family?"

Ianto bit his tongue hard. Blood spilled into his mouth shocking him. It was evident in his eyes, allowing Gethin to believe it was his outburst that had caused it. He had nearly blurted out that the world, that Torchwood was more important, that _Jack_ was more important, but once upon a time Lisa had been the most important thing of all.

"Lisa, must really be something, if she's taking you away from us," Gethin spat when there was silence. He advanced on Ianto's still form, thinking him nothign more than the little office worker that he portrayed himself to be and grabbed his arms. He shook violently.

Now, Ianto was shocked by his brother's words. Finally, the truth was out.

"We helped you after your little shop lifting incident. I covered up the fact that it wasn't the only time. You could have been in a lot of trouble. You are in debt Ianto. That debt must be repayed somehow,"

Ianto didn't understand. His brother wasn't making sense. They had had arguements - close mindedness, excuses, that sort of thing but this, this was different. It was like an inbred rage that his brother had been hiding for years. Did he truly not know the man before him? Gethin continued to advance scaring Ianto to the core. He didn't want to hurt him, but he was being left with little choice. Lashing out quickly he grabbed his shoulder, gripped his wrist and forced it behind his back. Running him into the counter he winded him and by the sounds of that oof, a lovely bruise would be appearing sometime tomorrow. He scarpered. His only thought was, that if he could hide such rage from him, were his adorable neices safe? Ianto shook his head. Of course they were. Family it seems, meant everything to Gethin. He wouldn't hurt his kids. They were all he had left.

"I've just never seen him a little tiddly. Too much wine. That's all." Ianto tried to convince himself. They hadn't had much whilst the children were finally put to bed. Ianto only counted a few drinks but he supposed it was possible that stuff was stronger than it appeared.

His head was a mess of whirling thoughts. By the time he had gotten home, he had been stopped by the police and given a ticket. Oh wasn't Owen going to love that? Why not play that Torchwood card? Why not? Oh perhaps that might piss off the overly tired and cranky officer? That it might mean less cooperation knowing that Torchwood got out of a ticket for speeding when not on the job, but merely driving home alone and looking slightly dazed? Ianto was surprised they didn't breathalize him. It seemed they hadn't grown that brave. Yet. He was most definately not going to put it down to emotional distress. Dr Harper would have a field day. Jack would act weird.

For once his thoughts did not stay with his boss. He walked through his silent apparant thinking of nothing but rest, sleep and more sleep. The soft douvet, the cold pillow and the dark room was soothing. This early morning he had managed to avoid taking another chunk out of his leg by misjudging the distance between the door and the table. How many times must he walk into the damn thing?

Ianto lay down with his head upon the pillow. It had been an exhausting day in the fact that his head was still loud with the memory of his neices high but delighted voices. Hyper active children could be as waring as catching aliens - perhaps even more so. If he was expected to do this regularly he (as regularly as he could afford)he wasn't sure he could survive being jumped and trodden upon by four tiny feet. Sure they were small and cutesy but hard soled shoes were not pleased on certain areas. Ianto frowned. There was a strange whirring at the back of his mind. Almost as if he could hear it inside himself. Had ne not been so worn out, he may have considered this more fully but his headache began to throb more insistantly so he settle for some aspirin and a good night's sleep.


End file.
